Different Expectations…Same Goals

by Melanie Edwards on November 10, 2009 · 10 comments

in Wahm

When the decision was made that I would leave my full-time outside the home job in order to work from home, the husband shared some of his requests with me:

  1. Legs and armpits should be shaved at all times. – I think the idea behind this is that I’ll have more time alone to be able to do so instead of letting it go some days due to the rush.
  2. Since I’ll be pursuing blogging and social media consulting full-time, I need to carve out time for our family. – Fair enough.
  3. I need to bring in some money. – That’s the idea.

They are simple requests; some more serious than others, but all important to him. And, he might have more that he just did not express to me. You never know.

On the other hand, my initial expectations for myself looked like this:

  1. My house should be cleaner now.
  2. I should be able to cook every day.
  3. Laundry will not pile up on the couch for days waiting to be folded.

That’s not to say I don’t have goals of making money and spending time with my family. Of course I do. They are just the obvious goals that didn’t need to be said. I knew about those, but somehow my brain felt it necessary to remind itself about those related to the house. They were the ones that would constantly cross my mind.

It’s interesting really. Perhaps it’s because I have a physical reminder as I walk across the house and it then becomes a tangible task.

Do you find your expectations differ from those of your spouse/partner? If you’ve made such a transition in your life, how did you adjust?

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1 PJ Mullen November 10, 2009 at 12:45 pm

When we made the decision that I’d be the one to stay home with our son our expectations were in sync. The house would be kept clean, the child safe and fed and I’d be responsible for running the errands and whatnot. We separated the chores into each others responsibilities – I don’t do laundry 🙂 For the most part I’ve been able to live up to the expectations. Sure there is the occasional night a few times each month where making dinner just isn’t in me, but it also gives us time to go out and decompress.

2 Melanie (Modern Mami) November 12, 2009 at 2:08 pm

@PJ Mullen, I think that’s a great way to go about it! Splitting up the house chores and making sure to lay it all out is awesome. Don’t get me wrong…my husband and I are in sync, we just go about it a little different.

3 Aimee Leon-Ortega November 10, 2009 at 2:10 pm

I was actually laid off in late September. At first I was devestated because I had been working for as long as I could remember. But then it dawned on me again, I had been working as long as I could remember! I could now spend time with my children!! Go drop them off in my pajamas if I wanted. I have 3 children and I’d never taken off more than 4 months at their births before resuming work. And then the elation set in. I had so many plans like yours and like yours my husband had plans for me as well. Every day there was to be dinner on the table, the house was to be immaculate at all times, and on and one. It’s only been 2 months since I’ve been home, but it’s been a slow road. As I write I have about 6 bags of laundry waiting to be folded. I have about 6 piles of laundry that need to be washed in the basement. So as you can see, there are plenty of things that I could be doing. I am happy to report that my armpits are shaved, but my legs… well I have to have something to look forward to besides being a stay at home mom right? lol. Good luck! and I hope you enjoy it as much as I am!

4 Melanie (Modern Mami) November 12, 2009 at 2:10 pm

@Aimee Leon-Ortega, I’m enjoying it a lot so far! It’s true…our expectations and hopes get ahead of what’s realistic many times. Sorry to hear about your lay off! Will you continue to stay home or will you look for a new job?

5 Aimee Leon-Ortega November 12, 2009 at 4:34 pm

@Melanie (Modern Mami), You know, I’m not actually sure if I’ll be going back to work or not. Right now, I’m just really enjoying this time that I have with my family. I recently started selling jewelry by Premier Jewelry to help supplement my income so I’m hoping that works so that I can continue to stay at home with my family. Although I love being out in the working world and I was great at it, I love being at home all the more. Oh and how could I forget? I recently joined a gym and I’ve been working out about 2 hours a day. I want to be the sexiest stay at home mom ever!! No really, my friend died from breast cancer in May and I’ve been really focused on changing my life to a more fit and healthy one ever since. Although it hasnt been too long that I’ve been working out, I’m seeing tremendous improvement in how I feel.

6 Melanie (Modern Mami) November 15, 2009 at 7:07 am

@Aimee Leon-Ortega, That’s great of you to keep healthy! And, I’m so sorry about your friend. But, I know what you mean about loving staying home. It’s only been 1 week for me and I love it. 😀

7 Claudia Del Cid November 10, 2009 at 2:31 pm

How did I adjust? very slowly!!! Nunca me visualice como una ama de casa de aquellas que con el delantal bien puesto plancha, cocina (3 veces al día), limpia, ordena, lava y….. recibe a su esposo como recien llegada del salon de belleza.
Por eso, cuando nacio mi hijo y dejé de trabajar para cuidarlo, adquirí todos los quehaceres del hogar. Para mi fue como una avalancha de responsabilidades , obligaciones que sabía no disfrutaría.
Poco a poco, y por evitar discusiones con mi esposo, me fui adaptando y disfrutando de alguna de ellas. Nunca vivi en un ambiente sucio ni desordenado y no queria que mi casa fuera como zona de desastre. Asi que decidí emprender la búsqueda de productos, tips y demás, que fueran a facilitarme las tareas del hogar.
Con el paso del tiempo, regresé a trabajar. Y aunque no pasamos mucho tiempo en casa, la tenemos siempre muy organizada, limpia y lista a recibir a familia y amigos!

8 Melanie (Modern Mami) November 12, 2009 at 2:12 pm

@Claudia Del Cid, Te admiro por poder tener la casa en orden aun que estas trabajando! I know it will be a slow transition, but that’s common I think.

9 Susan Payton November 11, 2009 at 8:59 am

A little advice? There will come a day when the house doesn’t get clean bc you’re too busy. And you have to be ok with that. You’re working, just like before, only with a shorter commute and better boss. You have to prioritize, and sometimes having a spotless house won’t be at the top of the list. You and J need to be ok with that. Because working from home ain’t eating bon bons, watching soaps and vacuuming. You will find sometimes you spend more than 40 hours on your business. And that’s ok bc you’re an entrepreneur now. 🙂

10 Melanie (Modern Mami) November 12, 2009 at 2:13 pm

@Susan Payton, Oh we definitely know it’s not just eating bon bons and watching TV, but I think the flexibility is what makes me hope that I can keep up better.

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