So Happy & So Angry at One Time

by Melanie Edwards on March 20, 2009 · 14 comments

in Baby Girl

Did I ever tell you about the day my daughter was born?

I’ve told the story so many times in this past month that I feel like I should tell you as well.

Now, this is going to be a bit long, but I feel you need to know all of the information so that you can get a true feeling of what went on that day.

A bit of background story first…

My doctor swore up and down that my daughter was in position and ready to be born. This was around 36 weeks or so.

A short while later, I was sitting at work one day and just wasn’t feeling my baby move as much as she normally did. You have to understand, that my baby was *super* active in my belly. So much so, that my husband nicknamed her Samurai-J, like the cartoon Samurai Jack.

Since she was not moving as much that day, I called the doctor. After once again doing the pelvic exam and stating she was in position and he could “feel her head,” he sent me to the hospital for a non-stress test. They were not able to get a proper reading on this test, so they decided to send me for a sonogram, just to be sure.

Well, the sonogram was fine, and baby girl was good. Whew! What a relief.

So, I casually ask the tech, “And, she’s in position and all looks good?” To which he makes a face, turns his head and says, “No…actually, she’s breech.”

WHAT?

You’re kidding, right? But, the doctor said he could feel the head?

Shit! That means…

Yup, by the time I was out of the sonogram room and heading back up to the nurse’s station, the nurse confirmed that “You’ll be needing to have a c-section since your baby’s breech.”

After I got over the initial shock, anger, and disappointment (because, yes, I actually wanted to experience normal childbirth for my first baby), I accepted what had to be so that she would be healthy. And no, I wasn’t about to try to deliver her vaginally when breech.

I was scheduled for a c-section on a Tuesday. The Wednesday night before the day, I began to have pains. Because the pain was low and was also in my back and came and went, I assumed they were contractions. I rode it out through the night because it wasn’t horrible and not very often. I woke up on Thursday with the same pain, so I figured it’d be safe to call my GYN, who sent me to the hospital.

The hospital was unable to track any contractions and I was pretty sure they were going to send me home (or rather I thought I’d be heading to work). But, the nurse came back in saying, “We’re going to go ahead and deliver this baby today! Doc said you’re close enough and rather than send you home for the weekend with pain, we’ll just do it now.”

Uh, what? But, I’m not prepared. My bags are at home. My mother isn’t here yet!

I’M NOT MENTALLY READY YET!!!

Of course, I had a few hours before the surgery, which gave my husband time to run home for our bags and gave my mom time to arrive and all that good stuff.

Now here’s where things really get good…

When the anesthesia was administered from waist down, the doctor made sure I was numb. I swear he pushed his knee down on me.

I confirmed that no, I didn’t feel anything. I was good to go.

My husband wasn’t in the room because they have some ridiculous rule about him having to be out for the anesthesia, but they “would call him right in.”

And then the doctor cut. Because my doctor was a trigger-happy, hyperactive doctor who didn’t wait for the nurses to call in my husband.

And.Then.I.Felt.It.

I felt him cut. I felt pain. Oh so much pain.

I literally felt the knife cut into me.

So, I screamed. I screamed like I’ve never screamed before. I screamed things like, “Get my husband in here!” And oh yea, “STOP!” and other profanities I’m sure. It’s hard to remember exactly.

I was asked, “Are you sure you’re feeling pain and not just me tugging? Because you’ll feel me working in there, but shouldn’t feel actual pain.”

Hmmm…I’m pretty sure that’s pain alright! Now, get my husband!

And, as my husband walked in, his first sight was me laying naked on a table and crying hysterically.

Of course, now I would have to go under general anesthesia, and my husband once again had to step out of the room.

Down came the mask on my face and the next thing I remember was me being rolled down the hall towards the recovery room.

How is she? Did you see her? Is she ok?

Yes, I saw her. She’s fine.

But, were you there? Did you get to see her come out?

Yes, I saw her.

Is she ok? Where is she?

I was a rambling, bumbling fool who was 1/4 awake from the anesthesia. My husband says I asked him the same questions about 5 times.

He later filled me in on what happened while I was out. He walked in right as they were pulling her out.

He heard her first cries. Saw her grabbing at the cords and giving the nurses hell while they cleaned her up.

And, I did not.

Which, still makes me sad to this day.

But, all is well and I have a healthy baby girl.

One day we’ll record this and make a video, because it’s way funnier to see us act it out.

Of course, my husband tells the story *a little* different than I do. His version involves much more anger and many more curse words.

He says he’s “never been so happy and so angry at the same time.”

I concur.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 2manyboyz March 20, 2009 at 9:18 am

Oh, Melanie. My heart goes out to you. I had a similar experience with my 2nd one, but was awake for the c-section. I know you’ve heard this 100+ times, but all that matters is that she’s here, perfect and healthy.
That having been said , I totally understand that “robbed” feeling. Sounds like your whole experience was really traumatic, but it made you stronger, I’m sure.
Thanks for sharing your story and the picture of your beautiful little girl!

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2 Shannon March 20, 2009 at 9:24 am

Oh, she is beautiful! :)

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3 Christy March 20, 2009 at 9:44 am

I had issues as well. Whenever I think about it, I get angry all over again. I was awake for the c-section, but very upset about how things surrounding the birth happened. Having a healthy, happy, and very awesome almost-3 year old is a wonderful thing and I’m so very thankful, but that doesn’t change that the series of events at his birth could have been handled very differently and more professionally (and respectfully!).

{Hugs}

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4 Yolanda March 20, 2009 at 9:14 pm

This was similar to my own first birth experience except I was awake (no one told me he’d been born though, I just turned my head to see nurses rushing around with a baby I didn’t recognize) and I had to lovely followup of the nurse turning off my epidural and leaving me sitting in recovery with no pain medication at all. Traumatized would be putting it lightly. So glad you still got to bring home a healthy sweet little one though (is this actually a picture of her? if so she’s beautiful!)

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5 Heather in Beautiful BC March 21, 2009 at 11:46 am

Oh, I was holding my breath as I read this and could feel your pain. I’m so glad everything worked out well.

Your daughter is a beauty – and I know she’ll love to have this account to read when she’s older and a video would be awesome :)

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6 Melanie (Modern Mami) March 23, 2009 at 6:10 pm

2manyboyz: Robbed is a good way to put it, but I know… I do realize the end result truly is what matters here.

Shannon: Thanks!

Christy: I’m sorry you had a bad experience also. It’s tough not to get mad when you relive the day in your head. I know what you mean.

Yolanda: What is wrong with some of these hospitals??? Yes, that is actually a picture of her…thanks!

Heather: The more I think about it, the more I want to do the video with my husband.

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7 Miss Britt March 28, 2009 at 11:30 am

GAH! That makes me so angry when doctors don’t seem to get that, while they do this every day, this is a BIG DEAL for you.

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8 Melanie (Modern Mami) March 28, 2009 at 8:27 pm

Britt, You know? What was his rush, anyway? urgh

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9 Lisa Renata April 1, 2009 at 2:16 am

Boy, did I feel the pain as well and it wasn’t pretty!!!! One day I will have to share the story with you. I can totally relate, in many ways. The pain, the numbness, the anger and happiness of it all. Complications are never fun, but like you now I have a healthy, beautiful loving 3 year old boy and a sweet, stubborn, happy 16 month old girl. Both delivered by c-section. Both times I wanted a natural birth.

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10 Melanie (Modern Mami) April 1, 2009 at 6:51 am

I’d love to hear your story Lisa. Maybe you can post for us to read. :)

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11 Lisa Perez May 5, 2011 at 2:52 am

I feel your pain. I was “robbed” too. After 22 hours of labor, baby’s heart rate was going down so I was prepped me for an emergency c-section. When I woke up, I wasn’t pregnant and I felt awful! They brought the baby on and I felt like he wasn’t mine – til I left the hospital. So it was a bittersweet moment.

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12 Monica May 5, 2011 at 3:35 am

Wow! I can SO relate! Had done everything by the book when I was pregnant with my first, and was dead set on having a natural birth. Studied the Bradley method backwards and forwards.
But I got silent labor at 32 weeks, was in and out of the hospital, and she ended up being breech, too. They finally did a c-section at 36 weeks because my amnio fluid was disappearing and they were worried she’d strangle on the cord.
But she is beautiful and mine, and my heart is walking around outside my body.
And today she won 1st place in her first Science Fair!

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