Worthless

by Melanie Edwards on August 31, 2009 · 12 comments

in life

The title says it all.

I feel completely, utterly, and irrevocably worthless these days.

I’ve been letting down a lot of people.

My daughter.

My husband.

My parents.

My job.

They all require energy and attention that I can’t give lately. And they depend on me. It sucks to disappoint those who depend on you. One could even say that I’ve been irresponsible. Not on purpose, but indirectly. Lots of details have gone neglected or forgotten.

I’ve been sick for a month now in one way or another. Different symptoms and different levels of illness, but all with the same end result. They’ve all knocked me out and rendered me useless.

I’ve been unable to properly care for my daughter. I’ve been unable to spend quality time with my husband (unless you count him being my nurse as quality time). I’ve put a lot of pressure on him to take care of damn near everything since I cannot.

I’ve not been able to check-in on my parents and help them out. In fact, it’s been the other way around with my mami being the one checking in on me and helping out.

And my job. I swear at this point I should just take a leave of absence with the amount of days I’ve missed. I just want to be able to work a full week without getting sick.

I’m extremely behind in all aspects of my life and I fear I may never catch up. I have to “take it easy” so that I don’t end up back at the hospital, but taking it easy will not allow for things to get done.

I just want it all to end. I’m sick of being sick. I want normality to come back.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jenna Papakalos August 31, 2009 at 10:22 am

Any super mom has been there. We are the caretakers. The ones who make sure everything gets done: house, kids, husband, job and all other fun stuff life throws at us.

When we cannot fulfill these roles, frustration is inevitable. Feeling worthless is a completely understandable response. I could dole out advise here, but you know you what you need to do.

I will offer empathy! I’ve been there and it sucks. Normalcy shall return. That too, is inevitable.

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2 Melanie (Modern Mami) August 31, 2009 at 9:06 pm

@Jenna Papakalos, Thanks Jenna! :)

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3 Marcela August 31, 2009 at 10:35 am

You have been doing the best you can! You have not been feeling good, truly you need to take a couple of days for yourself, where you don’t worry about what’s going on around you and just focus on getting better. Stay in bed a little later, lots of teas (lemon and honey…the latina in me) read a book, chat online, watch tv,etc. Make yourself (or hubby can do them for you) healthy meals, take afternoon walk.. trust me you will feel better soon.We all go through times like these.

You will definitely catch up on your work! You are a super mom, super at your job and super blogger…. feel good about yourself…you are super!

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4 Melanie (Modern Mami) August 31, 2009 at 9:18 pm

@Marcela, I hope you’re right Marcela. And thanks for the kind words. ;)

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5 Faiqa August 31, 2009 at 10:51 am

Oh, honey, you are tired and sick… NOT worthless. Sometimes, our bodies are smarter than our heads and try to tell us we need to slow down. And that’s OK. Use this time to rest and regroup, and you’ll be better than you were before (if that’s at all possible since you’re pretty awesome to begin with!!)

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6 Melanie (Modern Mami) August 31, 2009 at 9:27 pm

@Faiqa, awwwww you’re too sweet

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7 Philippa August 31, 2009 at 10:57 am

I empathize with you. I can’t say I have been there as a mom, but your situation sounds very similar to what I experienced being on bed rest for 3 months. I hated not being able to help my husband and parents around the house, make my own meals only getting out of bed to use the rest room. It sucks, you do feel helpless. All I can say is prayer got me through each moment. God’s on your side. You will have answers soon and relief.

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8 Melanie (Modern Mami) August 31, 2009 at 9:32 pm

@Philippa, I do want some answers soon. So, yea, hopefully. :)

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9 Miss Britt August 31, 2009 at 7:31 pm

I am SO sorry that this has been such a rough month for you. I know that worthless feeling, and it sucks. It’s not REAL – but it sucks just the same.

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10 Melanie (Modern Mami) August 31, 2009 at 9:33 pm

@Miss Britt, I saw you had a tough week last week as well. Hope it all sorts out soon.

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11 Susan Payton September 1, 2009 at 7:59 am

Honey, you’re the one always taking care of someone else. You deserve to be taken care of. Let go of the idea that you have to be 100% all the time. Remember when you were a kid? Didn’t your mom take care of you? Enjoy the rest and be ready to come back 200% soon.

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12 Melanie (Modern Mami) September 1, 2009 at 10:07 pm

@Susan Payton, I’m trying I’m trying. ;)

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