“I need to report my father’s death.“
It seemed surreal, but there I sat on my parents’ couch two days after my father had passed away, uttering those words to a Veterans Affairs representative. At the direction and advice of my dad’s health team’s social worker, I made the call and followed the prompts until a live person walked me through the process of making the claim. To this day, I’m unsure why the social worker or other staff members from his health team who worked with us on a daily basis couldn’t make the report themselves.
Why was my mother woken up by a call at 8 am only two days after my father’s passing to be told by his social worker that she needed to report his death to another department within the same VA organization? Thankfully, I was there at the moment so she could hand me the phone. The details and logistics of dealing with someone’s death are unfair and frankly, emotionally unbearable. It all seems so unfair.
My dad’s battle with dementia lasted a little over 10 years and it took him through a variety of phases. At his core, though, he never stopped being two things: a loving husband and a music fan. The dementia could never take that away from him. Right up until the end before he stopped speaking and being responsive, he always mentioned his love for my mom and he always moved his body along to the sound of music.
It’s been nearly 4 months since my Papi passed away. Some days it’s still hard to believe he is truly gone. It’s a weird feeling because of course I know he’s no longer with us, yet, sometimes I literally have to pause and remind myself that yes, he did pass away.
Papi has appeared in my dreams quite a few times over the last 4 months. It’s always been a pleasant dream and many times, he’s had a big smile. Though it’s hard to know for sure what it means, I choose to believe he’s letting me know he’s in a good place.
Te quiero Papi.
All photos © Melanie Edwards/modernmami™
I’m so sorry for your loss! Dementia is a cruel disease. Mi abuela is currently battling it in Cuba. Last year, she was here, and before she left, it was getting really bad. My heart breaks for you. Savor those dreams when he visits! He is in a better place and his energy surrounds and guides you.
It really is a cruel and heartbreaking disease. I’m sorry for your abuela and thank you for your kind words.
Your happy memories of your Papi must give you some strength and hope.
Thank you. They do. 🙂
La pérdida de un familiar es dura. Y más cuando tienes que lidiar con el “papeleo”. A un poco más de un año de la pérdida de mi hermano, lo recuerdo todos los días. No es fácil. Pero la carga es más ligera con el tiempo.
Gracias, Yadira. Se que no es fácil. Siento mucho tu pérdida también.
Aw Melanie… 🙁 La pérdida de un ser querido es algo muy fuerte. No puedo imaginar lo que sería perder a Mi Papi… Abraza los recuerdo bonitos que tienes de él y sigue honrando su memoria manteniendo la música viva en tu hogar. Aunque nunca lo vas a olvidar, siempre lo recordarás con amor.
¿Sabes que? Tienes razón. Debería tocar la música que él disfrutaba más a menudo. Gracias por el recordatorio.
Siento mucho tu perdida. Mi abuelo murió hace 6 años de demencia y la lucha no fue facil. Mi abuela aun vive pero lleva como 20 años con Alzheimer.
Gracias. En verdad que no es nada de fácil. Lamento que tu abuela también sufre.
Lamento tú pérdida. Es dificil perder un ser querido, pero mantener su recuerdo vivo y su legado, es lo que nos consuela. Que hermoso que pudiera expresarle amor a tu mamá. Debe haber significado mucho para ella. Fue un amor que trascendió barreras. Recuerda, se fue físicamente, pero aún está ahí, dentro de ti. Un abrazo.
Muchas gracias. Sí, en verdad que su amor para ella fue único.
I can’t imagine what you are going through. I can only pray for you and your family, so God can continue to give you the strength necessary to cope. Dreams can be a beautiful reminder that even when we don’t think so, he is in a better place, where there is no pain. Sending you hugs.
Many thanks. I know it will take time to cope with the grief and I do take comfort in his memories and even with the dreams.
What a special man and devoted daughter! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for the kind words!