Last week, when I heard Yahoo’s CEO Marissa Mayer was going to put a ban on telecommuting, I didn’t get why it caused such an uproar. I kind of admire Mayer for making that call. I’m a working mother. I have a special needs child. And I do not work from home.

I work for one of the largest media companies in the world, a place ranked as one of the best places to work for women , specifically working mothers. And I suppose that is true – but, only for some mothers.

Shared Motherhood, Different Lifestyles

My boss and I were pregnant at the same time. We are about the same age. We have the same hour-long commute – except in opposite directions. When my boss entered her sixth month of pregnancy, she started working from home two days a week. I worked almost to the end.

In my eighth month of pregnancy, there was a transit strike. During those few days, I came into the office with my husband (a FedEx employee) who drove into work with his coworkers. I was in the office by 6 in the morning and didn’t leave until after six in the evening – when my husband got out of work. I did this for several days – with no overtime, not even a thank you for making the effort to come in. At this point, my boss was working remotely five days a week.

I returned to work from maternity leave in early May, my boss did too – except she worked remotely for another month before returning to the office. I left my baby with a neighbor, while she had a nanny coming to her house. When my boss returned to work, she explained that she would be working remotely two days a week. She was breastfeeding and needed the time to bond with her child.

Two years later, my boss stopped breastfeeding, but continued to work remotely. Her son was enrolled in classes during the week and she wanted to be as involved as possible. “These are the most important years – I want to be there for him as much as I can,” she said.

I would have liked that option too. But, I came into the office 5 days a week – if I worked through my lunch, I was allowed to leave at 4:30 instead of 5:30.

No Flexible Options for Most

When my son was diagnosed with autism, I went into my boss’ office – crying, overwhelmed and uncertain of what to do. My son’s therapy required 15 – 20 hours per week of home-based therapy. I remember asking if I could work from home temporarily – at least one day a week so that I could be involved and he could get the maximum amount of therapy. My boss explained that working from home could not be an option for me – “Your job requires you to be in the office,” she said. The best she could do was reduce my work hours, which would impact my salary and vacation time. It was an option I couldn’t afford.

I was lucky I had my mother who was willing to help, that my husband worked less hours (making less money) and that I found a therapist willing to work later hours in the day, so I can at least catch the last thirty minutes of her therapy sessions.

Our sons are now seven years old, and my boss still works from home two (sometimes three) days a week. On her work-from-home days, she gets to take her son to school and pick him up. She schedules medical appointments, signs her son up for after-school activities, volunteers at her son’s school as a helping parent, and chaperones class trips and runs errands.

On her “work-from-home” days, she takes care of all the things that require me to take vacation time.

Having a child with special needs requires many appointments; many of my vacation days are spent sitting in waiting rooms. If the tables were reversed – if my boss’ son had special needs – she’d never take a vacation day for an appointment. She’d never have to choose between working and being there for her child; she’d get to be involved in everything.

Earlier this year, my son’s school bus company was on strike. My son’s school is more than twenty miles away from our home and with limited options, I was forced to choose between going to work and sending my son to school. Within two weeks, I took four vacation days, struggling to get my son to and from school.

With no idea how long the strike would last, I asked my boss about options. I knew better than to ask for a work from home option but in such an extreme case, it would have been a great option to have. Once again, there was nothing my boss could do except offer me time off without pay. And then we discussed her schedule for the following week – she was switching her work from home days because it was her son’s birthday and she was going to his school to celebrate. (Insensitive much?)

Working From Home a Privilege, for Some

Working from home is a privilege, a luxury offered to a woman like my boss – a working mother with a six-figure salary who has a nanny, a housekeeper and a husband with a six-figure salary. And my boss has me – an administrative assistant – who faxes and photocopies her son’s insurance forms, prints out her holiday card labels and other personal things that have absolutely nothing to do with the company. She doesn’t have time for these things, she says.

My boss isn’t the only working mother in our office who has the privilege to work from home and be there for her children. Other high level executives have that option, while their assistants come into the office five days a week, leaving their children with babysitters, daycare centers, and after-school programs. To say this blatant inequality in the office causes resentment and animosity among working mothers is an understatement. The message sent to the lower income working mothers? Some women’s children matter and others don’t.

I know this isn’t the reasoning behind Marissa Mayer’s decision to have all employees return to the office. But this ‘uproar about working mothers’ speaks only to a certain demographic of women. Unless companies are willing to provide all employees with the option to work from home and/or flexible work arrangements, then it shouldn’t be offered at all.

Photo: Victor1558/Flickr

News of Yahoo CEO, Marissa Mayer, eliminating workplace flexibility and forcing all employees to work in the office (even those that were already telecommuting) hit the Internet this past weekend with much backlash. Many people felt her decision negatively affects working parents and destroys chances of moving forward with modern workplace policies. In a time when families are often choosing between work and family and struggling to manage various aspects of life, I have to agree that the decision of Yahoo and their CEO was a bad one.

Granted, it is not Yahoo’s or Mayer’s responsibility to show the way for the entire workforce, but as with much in this world, big companies take the example of other big companies. You can be sure this decision to not allow employees to work from home, will become a case study of sorts that other CEOs and company managers will use to justify their own telecommute decisions. That’s the thing about leadership – even when you don’t mean to be a leader, by being in a leadership position (which CEO of a large technology company most certainly is), you are automatically looked to for leadership.

Marissa Mayer has had an opportunity to be a leader for women, especially, and has failed twice to seize those opportunities. Instead, the example she’s set both times have in many ways set women back when it comes to the struggles we face in the workforce. But, let’s be clear that it’s not just women affected by her decisions. These days, men are also wanting better work flexibility and the opportunity to be more present for their families. 

Perhaps Mayer isn’t trying to be antiquated in her methods, but just trying to get a company back on track by bringing all employees together under one building. Maybe. But, as I told a friend in another online forum, Marissa Mayer could have (easily) individually assessed each employee’s status, work standards, and productivity level, and made the proper adjustments where necessary. If that meant some employees would no longer be able to telecommute, then as a CEO, she has a responsibility to retract that perk (for those individuals) in the best interest of the company. However, I’m sure there are some employees that are being more productive by telecommuting and having the flexibility, that will now suffer greatly (both at work and at home) in adhering to the new no telecommuting policy. Instead of creating a blanket policy that will affect all employees, Marissa Mayer could have taken a more staggered approach. 

I don’t expect that one woman, or even one company, will fix the workforce issues women and parents face. But, I do believe that a person who leads should consider the message sent in making such bold decisions. And the message sent by Mayer and Yahoo is loud and clear – we are not flexible.

What are your thoughts on Yahoo and Marissa Mayer’s decision to not allow their employees to work from home? Do you feel it sets working parents back? Or is this just good business for Yahoo?

Photo: Victor1558/Flickr

Harvest Festivals, Halloween Parades, Pumpkin Patch Field Trips, Thanksgiving Feasts, Christmas Plays, Fall Break and Winter Break…if you’ve got school-aged children in school then the holiday season can be a time of both joy and stress!  Managing your child’s hectic schedule during the fall and winter months can be a huge challenge for working parents. Depending on your work situation, there are multiple strategies that you can take that will allow you to keep your job while sharing your little one’s precious moments:

The “Tag Team” Approach

If you live in a two-parent household, you and your partner can figure out a way to share the special-event appearances.  Perhaps you can alternate dates, or maybe one of you has flexibility during the day and becomes the “Field-Trip Parent” while the other commits to evening activities.  Spreading the love this way will ease the pressure of one parent or the other repeatedly needing to take time off of work.  The obvious bonus to this approach, of course, is that your children will get the benefit of both parents (or even Grandma) actively participating in their events.

The “Quality Not Quantity” Approach

You can’t possibly make every single event without losing brownie points at work or running yourself ragged. So, you can decide to choose a handful of events that you can commit to and make it to those. This works well in helping you maintain your sanity, keeping your boss (mostly) happy, but can also bring on the Mommy Guilt in heavy doses. Though your physical presence may be less, you can make sure that it counts by going the extra mile to volunteer during the events you attend, whether it be working the register at Turkey Bingo Night (been there) or taking the photos for the Costume Parade.

The “Make It Work” Approach

If you feel comfortable talking to your boss about alternative work arrangements, this method could provide a perfect solution to a difficult problem. On days when you’re on pie duty for the Holiday Party, plan to work from home; that way you can prepare your dish at home before heading out to the event (instead of the mad dash to the grocery store before zooming into the school parking lot). Also, chances are the commute to your child’s school will be easier if they attend school close to where you live, allowing you to miss less of the workday. You could also try a compressed work week and work extra hours Monday through Thursday so that you can take Friday off to help set-up for the Kwanzaa Play.

No matter what approach you choose (and it might be a combination!), the key is to be flexible, do what works best for you and your family, and most of all, experience as many of these special moments as you can.

How do you balance your children’s many school activities during the holiday season?