Every day when I pick up baby girl from school I ask her the same questions: How was your day? Did you have fun? and What did you guys do? The majority of the time her answer to the last question is a simple, “I don’t really remember.” She can tell me all about what games her and her friends made up during recess and who she talked to while waiting at the car loop, but it takes a lot of digging to find out what they did or talked about in her Kindergarten class. However, fast forward a few days, or even a week, and little snippets of what they’ve done come out in casual conversation.

With Martin Luther King day being celebrated early last week, it wasn’t until the weekend that we were able to find out more about what she learned in class regarding the man behind the holiday. Of course, as is customary for my baby girl, it wasn’t a straight “here’s what the teacher told us” conversation. The information almost always comes out in things she says or does; she also has a habit of surprising me at the most unexpected moments. Here’s a glimpse at a couple of conversations we had over the weekend that were sparked by her class’ discussion of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

No More ‘Whites Only’

“I’m glad the ‘white only’ signs are gone mommy,” she said as she was watching TV and I was changing baby boy’s diaper.

“Me too baby.”

“But, what happened to the babies?”

“What do you mean sweetie?”

“Well, since people with dark skin couldn’t be in the same house as people with white skin, what happened to the babies with dark skin? Did they take them somewhere else?”

“No! They stayed with their parents. If the babies have dark skin, then that means the parents did too, right?”*

“But, what about baby boy and I? You don’t have dark skin, but we do. So, pretend the ‘white only’ signs were still around – what would happen to us?”

“You don’t think I have dark skin?”

“Well, it’s more like tan.”

“Ok. Well, they didn’t separate the babies from their parents, sweetie. They all stayed together in their house. And, actually mama, if we lived back in those days, they would have thought I had dark skin too, just like you.”

“Oh, ok.”

*I realize this statement is not completely true, but I didn’t really want to get into an explanation of genetics with a 6 year old.

Love Drives Out Love

She sat at our dining table drawing a picture as I fed her little brother. When she finished she showed it to me as she normally does.

“What does this say?” I asked her pointing to the words I had already read, but wanted her to explain.

“Love drives out love.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Well, at school they told us that Martin King-”

“Martin Luther King?”

“Yes, Martin Luther King said ‘Hate does not drive out hate, only love does.’”

“Ok. And, do you know what that means?”

“No, no I don’t.”

“You guys didn’t talk about it at school?”

“No.”

“I see. Well, what he was saying was that if someone has hate in their heart, to give them more hate, by being mean or violent, is not going to take that hate away. You have to show them love to take their hate away.”

“Ohhhhh…”

“Do you really get it?”

“I think so.”

“He believed in being peaceful. He didn’t think you could make someone who has hate be better by being violent. You needed to show them love and be peaceful to help them change.”

“Like the people that wanted the ‘white only’ signs!”

“Yes. Exactly.”

“Ok. Well, I was trying to say love brings more love. Love drives out love.”

“I get it. That’s a very nice thought baby girl.”

It always amazes me how much farther her mind takes things. She’ll always have a follow-up question. Or she’ll think of varying scenarios and wonder ‘what if’. She loves to explore and imagine. This is a good thing. It will help her empathize and understand the world better as she grows.

Discussions on race will no doubt continue in our house for a long time. As she learns more and more about this country’s history, she will come home with more questions. It will take a long time for her to fully grasp all that was, all that is, and all that may be. And, that’s ok. I’m still working on it myself.

Top photo by Tim Krepp

When we moved to Florida from Puerto Rico, I was eight years old and already one month into third grade. I left behind the private Catholic school that had just begun to accept girls as students that year and came to a standard public school in the city of Orlando. My first day at this new school, I experienced what I believe to be my first encounter with racism.

It was during PE class and we were playing volleyball. I am not sure exactly how it happened or what caused it, but what I remember is that out of nowhere this little boy on the other side of the net screamed out to me, “Why don’t you just go back to Africa?” I remember clearly staring at him and wondering, “Why is he telling me to go to Africa? I’m from Puerto Rico!” It wouldn’t be until many years later that I would fully understand the meaning of what was said to me.

People often say things like “It’s hard to believe that in a year like 2011, we still have discrimination,” and ask my husband and I questions such as “Do you really feel discriminated against?” We’ve had discussions with friends explaining just how prevalent discrimination still is, even in 2011.

Reading The Headshake on Latinaish got me thinking about the various times either my husband or I have gotten looks. It tends to happen more when we’re together, than when I’m alone. Normally we get looks when we’re out and about shopping. It’s because they think we might steal something. Here’s how the scenario usually plays out.

As we enter a store, a sales clerk will typically greet us, though this isn’t always the case. We will begin to browse and will get the customary, “Can I help you with anything?” line. After we politely say, “No, thank you. We’re just looking,” the clerk doesn’t really ever leave. The majority of the time we are followed around, the clerk always keeping a few feet of distance between us. As we look around at other customers, though, they are not being watched so closely. Interestingly, this used to happen a lot more when my husband had his hair in dreads.

Now, I used to work in retail, particularly in shoe stores. I was given the training materials that say the best way to avoid theft was to greet each and every customer, alerting them to the fact that you are aware of their presence in the store. I also had to deal on several occasions with managers that would ask me to follow certain customers around the store – solely based on their appearance as they entered the store. So, I am all too familiar with the practice.

I don’t claim to have lived a hard life full of discrimination. By all means, that is definitely not true. I lived a rather sheltered life of living in the suburbs with a middle-class way of life. Compared to my husband’s youth, I have nothing to complain about, really. He has endured way more discrimination than I have. Yet, even with the sheltered youth I had, I was still greeted to the United States with a “why don’t you go back” attitude, literally.

What does this mean for my kids? They are both biracial, multicultural, and with different shades of brown. As I look around my daughter’s preK classroom, she is the only one with dark skin and one of two Latina girls in her class. There is another little girl whose mom is from China and the rest of the kids are White. While I know this is a reflection of the neighborhood we live in, I have to wonder how often she will be the “token” girl as she grows up. How will she be treated? Will she ever have to deal with someone telling her to “go back” even though there’s nowhere for her to go back to?

Other articles worth reading:

• Curly Hair is Beautiful Too! How Everyday Conversations Become Life Lessons in Our House.
• Brown is Not Enough
• I’m White, My Daughter is Latina, and I Buy Black Dolls

Baby girl: “Daddy, you need a haircut.”
Husband: “Do I?”
Baby girl: “Yes, but not too much. Just a little off the top. You don’t want to be bald because then people would laugh at you.”
Husband (after some laughter): “Well baby, I don’t really care if people laugh at me. If they laugh at me because I’m bald, then they’re not good people, right?”
Baby girl: “Right.”
Husband (to me): “Man, every conversation these days turns into some great life lesson, doesn’t it?”
Me: “Yeah. sigh…”

And, it’s true. There seems to be no shortage of conversations we’re having with our 4-year-old these days that turns into some greater message or life lesson.

If she says anything about curly hair, there we are reinforcing the idea that “curly hair is so beautiful!” If we’re talking colors, once again, my husband and I pipe in like a PSA ad to say, “Don’t forget black! Black is such a pretty color.”

To some of you, this may seem a bit unnecessary or even extreme. Why do we continually have to say these things? Why not just let her live her little 4-year-old life, right? But, the truth is that when you’re raising a multicultural child, you have to constantly look out for signs and provide the proper message to your kid. She is surrounded by dolls, ads, friends, and other images that are not like her, so it’s up to her father and I to surround her with images and messages that are like her and remind her that she too should be admired.

Photo by Rashod Taylor

And, it’s not just the media we’re up against. Even family members can be culprits – without really recognizing the side effect. Just a few weeks ago, my own mother said, “Ay no! That will make her hair more curly!” when my husband said he wants to braid (corn row) my daughter’s hair. Once again, there we were saying, “There’s nothing wrong with curly hair!” It’s even difficult for me at times, to be sure I’m sending the right message to her. I have to catch myself from saying things like, “I like my hair better straight,” since I don’t want her to perceive that straight is necessarily better.

It can get exhausting at times to always be thinking about what you’re saying/doing/watching and whether or not it will affect your impressionable 4-year-old’s self-esteem. This is even more true if you’re in what’s considered the “minority” group of society.

In a way, though, all of these conversations are also helping me to feel better about my own self. Who knew that by trying to ensure my daughter grows up confident, in turn, I would help myself feel a little more confident in a body I’ve known for 30 years?

Additional thoughts of mine on multiculturalism:

• Brown is Not Enough
• Barbie Dolls and Columbus Day. What’s the Connection?

I first saw this story on the Orlando Sentinel’s Moms at Work blog, but with a quick search found other stories like the one on NYDailyNews.com.

What do you think?

What is your initial reaction to the billboard?

Do you think it’s effective in getting their message across?

You may have to read the stories to find out the meaning behind the billboard.

Photo via NYDailyNews.com

I’ve been thinking about something for the past few weeks that has just been eating me up inside. And after attending BlogHer 09 and sitting in on the Women of Color session PLUS having lunch with a group of lovely women of color, it’s been on my mind even more.

Why is it so hard to find dolls that my daughter can identify with? Dolls that she can look at and recognize that they look something like her?

And why is it that when you do find a doll that is “brown” that’s all she is? It irks me to no end that the same freaking doll is just painted a different color and BAM! We suddenly offer “multicultural” dolls! Yay for us!

No. That’s not enough.

Where are the rest of the defining features? The hair? Facial features? It’s more than just the skin color that’s different.

Right as I’m thinking about all this, I come across a link to this post: Her Name Is Orange Blossom, Dammit.

And, well, I left the longest comment I think I’ve ever left on a blog post. It’s worth repeating.

A few things, in no specific order other than the randomness in which they come out of my brain:

- Not just African American moms deal with this. Anyone whose image is not portrayed.

- “…trying to assure our daughters that their chocolate skin and kinky hair and wide noses and thick lips and curvy bodies are beautiful and relevant too…” And yet even THIS we cannot achieve because the “brown” dolls out there are just that. Brown. They just overlay the color over the same model doll they use for the white-skin dolls and there is no representation of other defining features. The brown dolls have the same hair and same look as the other dolls, and really…don’t our girls deserve more?

- I cannot believe the rep didn’t know her name.

- Did you get the bag at BlogHer ‘09? The one with the DVD in it? We just watched it the other night. Guess what? The Orange Blossom character in that movie looks NOTHING like the picture you have in your post. She also looks A LOT LIGHTER than the doll itself. (I got the much coveted Orange Blossom doll at BlogHer.) But, yea, the cartoon version in that DVD…she’s barely got a tan on her. They didn’t.even.try.

Sorry. I guess I had a lot to say and just came across your post at the right time cause I’ve been thinking about all this for the past few weeks.

I know that most dolls out there aren’t exactly made in the image of any little girl. Their bodies are disproportionate and don’t look anything like our girls. I get that. But, imagine having another layer on top of that.

Raising multicultural children is hard enough. Do I really have to fight every step of the way?

Fine. So be it. My daughter’s worth it.

A few months back, Sheena of the Mommy Daddy Blog posted some results of a study that examined moms by race. In the post, only results of Caucasian and African American moms were included. So, I mentioned to Sheena that it would have been nice to know how Latina moms would have fared in such a study.

It turns out that the original study did include Hispanic moms.

The folks at BSM Media shared the full results with Sheena so that she could forward to me.

Here are some major findings of the study:

• Education and health care were listed as the primary concern  for the majority of all African American, Caucasian and Hispanic mothers. Hispanic moms (67%) responded that employment was another top concern.
• The top three challenges as a mother included saving for the future and the rising cost of food for all respondents. However, Caucasian moms named managing the desires of their children for material things as a challenge (45%), African American moms are battling with affordable housing (35%) and Hispanic moms are feeling challenged by the need for steady income (56%).
• While online, African American mothers are more likely to read articles (68%) and experience music (45%). Caucasian mothers are likely to frequent social networks (45%) and message boards (43%). Blogs were the top choice among Hispanic Moms (55%) followed by social networks (42%).
• When an African American mom catches a rare free moment, she is most likely to read (77%), Caucasian moms are most likely to surf the Internet (77%) and Hispanic moms enjoy spending time with their spouses (78%).
• When asked about their ultimate indulgences, Caucasian moms listed a rich dessert (48%) and a fine bottle of wine (40%) among their top treats. African American moms would rather indulge by sleeping late (60%) or getting away for the weekend (35%). Hispanic moms choose to treat themselves with spa treatments (50%) or long, hot baths (50%).
• Although the majority of all moms have made household adjustments to cope with the family crisis, African American moms are more likely to delay major purchases (57%) and avoid stores to reduce shopping (54%). Caucasian moms are coping by using coupons and discount codes (73%) and driving fewer places to conserve gas (62%). The most popular coping strategy among Hispanic moms is also using coupons (80%) but delaying major purchases is also common (68%).
• Overall, Caucasian and Hispanic moms think marketers are doing a better job in speaking to them than African American moms.

More information on the study can be found at the Marketing to Moms Blog by BSM Media, though their post also doesn’t include the results of Hispanic moms.

Do the results surprise you? Do you find the differences from one race to the other interesting?

Photo by brandysnow

I’m way behind on reading blogs and past posts, but I’m desperately trying to catch up. Today I caught a post on Because Mom Said So from Jan. 23 about a high school student’s documentary and the debate it’s sparking up. Titled, Student’s documentary on Race has people stunned, the post links to a news bit on the documentary.

View it at http://www.komotv.com/home/video/5001856.html?video=YHI&t=a

After watching the video, I am not surprised at all, but at the same time am sad that children so young already have these ideas about what is “nice” or “good”. So far, baby girl has dolls of all colors and her father and I have purposely done this, just for this reason. We want her to get used to seeing dolls that are more in her liking and embrace that image.

Make sure to watch the video and let me know your thoughts.

technorati: because mom said so, high school documentary, race, parenting

I was bored and decided to browse Blogthings. I took the Who’s Your Inner European quiz and guess what????!!! I am indeed of Spanish heritage! Now if you don’t know, I am Puerto Rican, which of course means I have Spanish blood, but if you don’t believe me, see for yourself! lol

Your Inner European is Spanish!

Energetic and lively. You bring the party with you!

technorati: Spanish, european, blogthings, heritage, Puerto Rican

I came across an article on MSNBC.com today titled “U.S. report: Racial disparities continue“. My first thought was – no kidding. The report details how there is a gap amongst whites, blacks, and hispanics concerning education, income, and home ownership.

Here’s a little excerpt:

Decades after the civil rights movement, racial disparities in income, education and home ownership persist and, by some measurements, are growing.

White households had incomes that were two-thirds higher than blacks and 40 percent higher than Hispanics last year, according to data released Tuesday by the Census Bureau.

White adults were also more likely than black and Hispanic adults to have college degrees and to own their own homes. They were less likely to live in poverty.

Read full article at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15704759

Now I ask you – Did we really need to do the research? It’s not like we didn’t already know that. And if you didn’t already know this, then I guess this article was made for you. Go, read, learn.

technorati: race, education, income, home ownership, civil rights, racial disparities, census, poverty, msnbc

July 11, 2006

Whites, Blacks, Hispanics Disagree About Way Minority Groups Treated
Whites diverge from blacks, Hispanics in their views of black-Hispanic relations
by Jeffrey M. Jones

GALLUP NEWS SERVICE

PRINCETON, NJ — Gallup’s annual Minority Rights and Relations poll finds that non-Hispanic whites are much more likely than blacks or Hispanics to express satisfaction with the way each of six different minority groups are treated in society. However, whites are not as positive when asked to rate the state of relations between specific groups, especially when it comes to black-Hispanic relations. Whites are divided as to whether black-Hispanic relations are good or bad, but majorities of both blacks and Hispanics say that relations between these groups are good. There are only minor differences in the way whites and blacks rate black-white relations, although blacks are more likely than whites to believe that black-white relations will always be problematic.

The Minority Rights and Relations poll was conducted June 8-25, interviewing more than 2,000 adults nationwide and included samples of 500 blacks and Hispanics each. The poll was weighted so that it is representative of the U.S. adult population.

View full article