My father recently had his 66th birthday. His father lived to the age of 64. These are the things I think about sometimes when I have a few seconds of silence and my brain takes a break from the every day hustle.

66

It’s not really that old. But, when you factor in incidents that have occurred in just the last 4 years…well, I start to worry.

In the last 4 years, my father has retired from work and has developed dementia. This may not mean much at first, except when you realize the side effects of such a disease.

For example…

Though my father has always been in pretty good physical health – despite the family health history of heart disease, diabetes, cholesterol, and high blood pressure that is common in Latino families – the dementia is making my father act differently. You expect differences in mannerisms, conversations, and daily routines, but I wasn’t prepared to see him make himself physically unhealthy.

And I could totally be way off here and incorrectly blaming the dementia. But, it’s all I have to go by at this point. I have no other way of explaining why suddenly he refuses to eat foods he always ate in the past. Or why he is a picky eater now just like a toddler. Why sometimes he won’t eat at all.

Which has all resulted in him weighing 149 pounds. One hundred forty-nine.

So I worry.

I worry that despite my mother’s efforts to make him eat, be active, and drink water, the disease will win over. I worry that a slight cold will make him land in the hospital and will completely invade his body. I worry that he’s just not strong enough to withstand…well much of anything really.

Extreme concerns perhaps, but valid given the circumstances and non-progression for the better.

And then I go past worried to just being sad.

****Originally posted on Scholastic Parent Voices. But, I wanted to share with you as well.****

Before I started blogging my daily routine looked like this: work, pick up kid, cook, take care of kid, watch TV, sleep. Lather, rinse and repeat.

Now, while there’s nothing wrong with that, and I was happy, you can see why it might become a bit monotonous. There was no interaction with other parents in that routine. The people I worked with at the time were either older (with older kids) or younger (with no kids). No one had a child close in age to mine (at the time she wasn’t even 1).

My friends fit into similar categories. They either weren’t even married or were married with no kids. Those who did have kids lived further away so I wasn’t able to see them often.

You might think that I could have joined a local mommy group in order to connect with other moms. However, most of the mommy groups are catered for stay at home moms. I am a working mom. That means I’m unable to attend events during the week and believe me when I say that none of the groups I looked at had events on the weekends.

So, I found myself interacting mainly with my husband and with my own mom, who is our childcare provider when we’re at work. Until I started blogging.

I began blogging in 2006 after I read one of those “here’s how you can make money working from home” e-books. But, after starting my blog and eventually finding myself on twitter, facebook, and other social networks, I found that blogging was so much more. I was able to actually connect with other moms, and dads, who knew what I was talking about. They got it. Sometimes, they even helped by sharing their experience or tips.

You know the saying. “It takes a village to raise a child.” It was like I had found my own village.

Fast forward a few years and I’ve now actually met some local mom bloggers and have attended several tweet-ups. I’m also connected with many moms on twitter.

And my daily routine? It now looks a little like this: social networking, work, pick up kid, cook, play with kid, blog, sleep. Or like this: work, kid, house, tweet-up, sleep. Or maybe even like this: work, kid, husband, blog, social networking, sleep.

It varies. And that is a major improvement over monotony.

Photo by Rita Crane Photography

My daughter is three. As a preschooler, she loves to “read” and loves for us to read to her. She received a Leapfrog Tag system from her tio for Christmas and uses it on an almost daily basis. That is how she can “read” a book to us.

But, she can also take a regular book and either tell us the story from memory or a lot of times she’ll just make up her own story with the pictures. I’ve heard these are all good things for learning to read. So, I take it we’re on the right track.

Now, how do we take it to another level?

Well, I’m no teacher, so I don’t magically have the answer. Luckily for me, though, there are plenty of resources out there for parents like you and me to learn more about how to help our kids learn to read and develop their language skills.

5 Reading Resources for Parents

1. Scholastic Parents: Books & Reading – Provides information by age bracket, a newsletter, and articles.
2. PBS Parents Reading & Language – Also provides information by age, articles, and some quick tips. There’s also the PBS shop that has products for parents.
3. Reading Rockets: For Families – This site has articles and information with tips on reading with your kid, as well as for recognizing when there might be issues in reading (for older kids obviously). They also have a facebook page if you want to connect with them.
4. Literactive – You can get more than just information on this site. They provide activities and worksheets that you can use with your child.
5. U.S. DOE Free Publications – I’ve linked to the Top 10 publications from the Department of Education with the first 4 listed being information on how parents can help their kids get ready or learn to read. They’re divided by age level.

These are great for all parents, but also good for those home-schooling parents out there. And, there’s so many more sites out there!

If you want, you can browse all the sites I’ve bookmarked on delicious and tagged with reading.

What methods have you found work for helping your child learn to read?

I guess we’re on a personal phase here at Modern Mami. At least for a bit. It must be part of the whole trying to open up and un-censor myself thing. Let’s roll with it.

It’s been almost a year and a half since my father was diagnosed/un-diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s. They haven’t actually given an exact diagnosis. The exact words were “Well we don’t *want* to call it Alzheimer’s, but there’s been a significant loss of memory for a man of his age and education.”

Ummm ok. What the hell *should* we call it then?

What do you call it when you’ve known a man to be a certain way all your life and suddenly for no apparent reason, he begins to start acting differently? What do you call it when he suddenly can’t remember his PIN number? How about when he suddenly has to ask his wife if the throat drops she gave him are to be swallowed or chewed?

What *do* you call that?

Aging?

Maybe. But, it’s definitely hard to pass it off as just old age. There’s just too many little things he’s doing and saying differently.

No matter what you call it, it’s becoming very difficult to deal with. And I am a few steps further back from it than my mother. She actually has to live with the man and sees/hears it 24/7. I see bits and pieces of it all when I visit, but mostly I live it through my mom.

The more difficult part is figuring out a way to help my mother deal with things. Thus far, she’s had nothing but constant frustrations. From being told SHE’S the one that remembers something wrong, to being asked the same things over and over, to just seeing the man she’s known and loved for over 40 years slowly deteriorate…mentally. It’s a little hard to just dismiss it and suddenly have to completely shift your thinking to try to remember that’s it’s not him actually doing all that, not on purpose.

But, I can only do so much. I can’t make her understand. I can’t tell her how to handle the situations because I’m not living them. I can only suggest.

Suggest that she have patience. Suggest that she listen. Suggest that she not take things to heart. And remind her that he’s not doing it on purpose. He’s not out to get her. It’s nothing personal.

We all know that’s much easier said than done.

How do I help her change her ways to make things easier for herself? How do I help him see we’re just trying to help? How do I force myself into a scenario where I’m not being invited, but rather pushed away? And how in God’s name do I carve out even more time to actually make a difference?

It’s hard for me to be there. Truly be there – for her or for him. Time. It only allows for me to be halfway there. Sometimes.

Because it’s not just the kid, the husband, the house, work, and the second job. It’s also spending time with the parents and helping out if I can. It’s all of those and more combined.

It’s the Modern Mami effect I suppose.

P.S. As I finish up this post, the official diagnosis is back. Dementia. “You can basically say it’s early Alzheimer’s.” Officially.

Guest Post by Andrew Flusche, a Virginia lawyer who runs a general practice law firm in Fredericksburg. He is married, but he and his wife have not yet been blessed with children. For more legal tips, check out www.AndrewFlusche.com.

It’s not easy being a parent, especially since you also have to deal with a ton of laws relating to you and your children. Since legal issues crop up in the most unexpected places, here are some tips to keep in mind. You never know when one of these nuggets will be just what you needed to know.

1. Children have free speech in school. Many schools these days are trying to clamp down on what children do and how they express themselves. If your child has strong beliefs on a subject, she may want to wear a T-shirt or other apparel in support of that cause. Generally speaking, schools cannot prohibit this. Since the government forces children to attend school, it cannot simultaneously strip free speech rights in the schoolhouse. That would violate the First Amendment. If your child wants to express themselves at school, use the law to stand behind him.
2. Don’t forget those tax deductions! April 15 has come and gone for 2008, but now is the time to properly plan for next year’s taxes. Fortunately, there are several tax deductions centered around children. You can deduct medical expenses for them, just like you would for yourself. And be sure to keep track of mileage to appointments. That can really add up! And the Child Tax Credit can reduce your tax liability by $1,000 for each qualifying child.
3. Nanny cams pose legal dilemmas. It’s your responsibility to make sure your children are protected at all times, but a nanny cam might bring about legal quandaries. The International Nanny Association has an entire page about nanny cams. You should consider whether or not you tell the nanny about the camera. Also, if you tape conversations without at least one party’s consent, you might be breaking electronic surveillance laws.
4. Keep your will up-to-date. If you have children, please execute a will. You may think that the law will take care of everything without a written will, but you might be shocked at what can happen. A will is also needed to designate guardians for your children, especially if you and your spouse both pass on. Even if you executed a will at one point, make sure it’s current. You shouldn’t need to update it with each new child, but you should make sure it still accurately reflects your wishes.
5. Always get parental consent. As a parent, you’ll likely have many interactions with other people’s children. You always need to make sure that the parents do consent to whatever the child wants. It can be a crime to transport a child somewhere if the parents don’t consent, even if the child does consent. It makes logical sense, but we don’t always consider the possible criminal consequences to our actions.