When I was young, my mom used the phrase “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” more than once. I could never wrap my brain around that statement and remember wondering how it could possibly be true because I was feeling actual pain! Mind you, I was rarely hit, but the very few times I was disciplined, it crossed my mind.

As adults, my brothers and I have mentioned this to our mom, in a laughing and non-complaining manner. We’ve done so in those conversations where we all get together and reminisce about our childhoods. I remember the first time we mentioned this particular statement to her, she reacted by apologizing and saying that sometimes you just don’t realize what you say as a parent.

These types of memories from my own childhood and conversations with my mom led me to say that I would never utter similar words to my children when I became a mother myself. Think that worked out well? Here are seven phrases I never imagined I’d say as a mom, but that unfortunately, I’ve had the displeasure of saying.

7 Things I Never Thought I’d Say as a Mother

1. Stop licking your toes!
2. Also, don’t lick your brother’s toes!
3. Because I said so…
4. I don’t care, just do it!
5. When I was your age…
6. I swear…you kids are going to kill me!
7. Seriously? SERIOUSLY??!!!

As a parent, have you found yourself saying things you never thought you would? Please share them in the comments below! I’d love to hear them!

Photo: Paula Rey/Flickr

My mami is a great mother. She raised three children, along with my father, during a time when there wasn’t as much “help” as there is these days. That is, she never read a parenting book or sought the advice of parenting experts. I’m sure her and her friends shared complaints and some advice with each other, but this probably came in a very informal manner while they had their café y pan.

On top of the generation’s ideals, my mami also started being a mom at a very young age. She basically had to learn it all herself; being a wife, mom, and becoming a woman are all things she learned on the fly. In retrospect, I see now that she essentially lived her life for us. My two brothers and I were her life. Sure, she held some jobs at various points, but never was it a career. She had friends, but that I can remember, they never took the time to have what we now call a girl’s night out. She also didn’t have hobbies.

Fast forward 30 years later, and my mami is now “retired” – from being a mom and from working. Of course, moms are moms until the end. But, all three of her children are married, out of the house, and have children of their own. She provides an entirely different mami role these days. This is the time when she should be enjoying her free life, taking part in various activities, hobbies, and get-togethers. Right? However, because she spent the bulk of her life living for us, I’ve noticed she finds herself in a special place as a woman.

Two reasons, actually, contribute to my mother’s current situation: she’s the caretaker for my father who has dementia, and she didn’t allow herself to be anything but a mom when raising us. In defining herself only as a mom without paying attention to herself, as a woman first, she’s now in the position of not really knowing what to do with herself. Of course, this is my opinion from observing her, but I often see it reflected in her actions and conversations.

It’s a situation I hope never to find myself in. I think I’m on the right track so far. I work full-time, have my own business, travel, and try hard to balance my roles as a mom, wife, and woman. It’s not always easy, as many women will attest. But, after seeing my own mom’s struggles, I believe it’s important. I don’t want to have to depend on being needed by others (my children) in order to be happy. I plan to be happy with my life, my husband, and myself, regardless of where life takes my children.

Because of that, I am content in showing my daughter (and soon my son) that I have my own time where I may do things without her. She sees me working and knows why it’s important. She understands when I need to travel by myself and knows that it’s for work. As she’s said to me when leaving for a conference, “You’re going to go learn with your blogger friends.” Yes, baby girl. I am. And, then I’ll return home and continue to show you how great it is to be a woman with many interests and passions – all while still being a great mom, just like your abuela.

Do you find it difficult to define your role as a woman now that you’re a mom?

Before moving back to the Sunshine State, I worked full-time while my husband served in the US Navy. I had dropped out of college to marry my husband and raise a family. Once my kids started school, I went back to work. It was a good job and I tried to advance, but was repeatedly denied a promotion because I didn’t have a little piece of paper that said I graduated.

It was frustrating because I knew I could do the job, considering I had filled in for the job on a few occasions when illness or emergencies struck.

It was a blow to my ego. And it angered me on several levels.

About a month before we moved back here, my husband generously transferred his Post 9/11 GI Bill to me, so that I could finish something I started 15 years ago. I tried to talk him out of it so he could better himself, but that was like talking to a brick wall. He wanted me to go and finish because he knew I wanted it so badly.

And so, as an adult, I returned to college.

The school I attend is a popular university with military and former military, and I attend a satellite campus in Orlando. I love it. I take one on-line and one on-campus class a week for 8 weeks, and because we have short terms, the classes are long and intense. Seems just about perfect.

And it is, when I am not busy being a full-time mother.

I wonder often if I am the only mother in the world who puts aside work so that I can better myself. There are times I deal with a large amount of guilt when I tell the kids I can’t give them attention because I am busy on a paper, reading, or homework. I know the goal is to get my degree so that I can get a better job and provide more for my family, but I wonder if I am not doing damage to my kids at times. I think many mothers who go back to school experience this, and suffer as much as I do, possibly worse.

I remember my own mother graduating from college when I was a kid. She wasn’t around much. One thing I want to do differently is to actually use my degree after graduation. My mother didn’t and I wonder why she wasted her time, ignoring my brother and I for those years (at least it seemed like it), if she wasn’t going to use the degree to justify the expense and time away from her children. Nothing changed after she graduated; we were still poor and she still worked a low-paying job. I can list, several times over, the things that her money could have been spent on. Food for us for school lunch is just one item on that list.

I don’t want my college completion making an impact on my children in a negative way. I try to counter my times of isolation for study with times spent at a theme park, walking 5K’s with them, or even at the community pool. My children need to know that the hard work I put in and that sacrificing some time with them is going to be worth it in the end. I don’t want them to resent me for my one selfish act, because I will better all of our lives when I’m done.

I believe I will be making Dean’s List after this term, and my goal is to maintain that throughout my college career. I want to inspire them to greatness now, before it’s too late, and they become the procrastinating sloth I was for many years. Part of doing this is proving to my family that you can do things for yourself, for the sake of your family, and still be there for them. I’m hell-bent on not letting them down. As their greatest teacher, I can only teach by example, so it has to be a good example. They will be better off for all the sacrifice on their parts. And that motivates me to do well far beyond anything else.

I want to be the “modern mami” who can do it all and have a thriving family. I just have to keep up the hard work. I hope to be an example to other mothers in the world who feel like they aren’t worth bettering themselves with education. I’m going to come out on the other side of this experience and show the women who have doubts that it can be done, and they will know it’s worth it in the end.

Is inspiration the word? Maybe. I prefer the term “setting a good example,” because sometimes, showing how it can be done is better than simple inspiration.

After posting 21 People You Should Follow on Twitter, I’ve connected with many more people in the last two months. A lot of them are moms.

That got me thinking that there are people out there who specifically want to connect with moms.

Moms are great to connect with on twitter. They often provide really useful tips and retweet information they find interesting. Moms can be great advocates for you, your product, or service.

So, how do you find moms on twitter?

I know of five quick and easy ways:

1. Look through Wendy Piersall’s (@emom) Ultimate List of Moms on Twitter. The list started off innocently enough and includes many more moms listed in the comments section.
2. Join the twitter moms social network and connect with plenty of moms who have already joined. Myself included.
3. Search for the keyword mom on twitter. Or any other mami-related keyword(s) you want to use.
4. Join the Moms on Twitter group at the Mom Bloggers Club social network. The group currently has almost 700 members. That’s a lot of moms!
5. Participate in twitter parties that are often attended by moms on twitter. You will connect with plenty of party participants in a short amount of time. I know of two popular party groups:
   • Site warming parties hosted by Resourceful Mommy
   • Girl’s Night Out (GNO) hosted by Mom It Forward

How else have you connected with moms on twitter? I’d love to hear your tips in the comments.

P.S. Follow me on twitter! I’m a mom too.