My brother recently had a baby girl, his third child after two boys. I asked him this past weekend if he felt much different in parenting a girl versus parenting boys. It’s something I think about a lot with fathers since I know they tend to be ultra-overprotective with their daughters. I see this with my own husband too.

Though we’d like to believe we put all traditional stereotypes on gender roles aside, the reality is that much of our parenting is still based on what we know (or believe) to be true about boys and girls. From birth, we act a certain way with our babies, depending on whether they’re boys or girls. Boys are talked to in a stronger voice and told things like, “Nice grip, my man!” by their daddies. Girls are immediately called “little princesses” and spoken to in a softer tone.

It’s not something I’m proud of, but one of my initial reactions to my baby boy was to say, “I didn’t know boys could be so sweet!” It’s not like I thought boys were mean, especially from birth, but hearing me say that, one might think so.

Fathers tend to be more guilty of these things than moms. They are usually the ones to tell their boys to “man up” and typically provide more cuddles to their daughters than their sons. I believe moms usually want to cuddle their boys just as much as their girls, but even we sometimes fall into the trap of treating our kids different based on gender. I’ve caught myself saying things like, “It’s a boy thing,” when describing some of baby boy’s actions. Why is that?

The fact is that a lot of the differences probably have nothing to do with whether he’s a boy or she’s a girl. Differences might just be due to their personalities or a variety of other reasons. Our kids are so complex and so much goes into what makes them who they are, that who knows why they do what they do. Don’t you think?

Have you found yourself acting different when parenting your boys and girls? Do you feel fathers are more guilty of this than moms?

Photo: bingbing/Flickr

“Brian’s funny.”

“Oh yea?”

“Yea, I like him.”

“Do you?”

“Uh hmm. He’s my boy-friend.”

“Your what?”

“My bo-y-friend.”

“Is he? And why do you say that?”

“He was at the playground. And I asked him if he wanted to hold my hand. And heeee saaaaid YES!”

“So that’s why he’s your boyfriend?”

“Uh huh.”

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Little Cesar is always in time out. Every other day when I walk in to drop off my daughter, there he is at the front of their classroom, sitting by himself at the table. He’s adorable with his little chubby cheeks. Even in time out. And I feel bad for him.

This is the same kid that lied on my daughter’s second day of preschool and said she had been bad. He always talks to me or my husband. You can tell he just wants to talk to someone.

On this particular day, little Cesar looked up at me from his time out chair and said, “[something I didn't understand]…Brian’s girlfriend.”

“Who’s Brian’s girlfriend?”

At this point, my daughter came up to me and showed me something, so little Cesar sat for a second thinking.

Then he said, “Her! She’s Brian’s girlfriend!!”

And then I hear “Yeeeee-aaaaa!” from the corner and see little Ms. Megan (who’s sitting on the potty bench) is the one being little Cesar’s back-up homegirl.

Seriously? The fact that my daughter thinks she’s Brian’s girlfriend is a known fact amongst the other little boys and girls??!!

What in the world is going on at this preschool?

If this is the crap I have to deal with at THREE (almost four), I fear greatly for the teenage years.

In fact, I think I’m gonna just lock her up soon.

*All names have been changed cause I don’t want their mommies to beat me up if they ever find this blog.*

I am not your Modern Mami. And this is not my blog.

I am, in fact, Miss Britt and this is my blog. Which begs the question, what am I doing here?

As part of The Guest Post Challenge going on at my blog, Modern Mami has allowed me to post over here on the condition that I answer one question for her.

She asks, “Is raising a boy different from raising a girl?”

I am uniquely qualified to handle this question because I am a girl and know several boys. Also, I have a son and a daughter. One could say that I am raising them, or at the very least trying my best not to screw them up too badly.

The answer, dear Melanie, is:

Yes.

Most definitely, yes.

In fact, raising a girl is so different from raising a boy that it can leave you wondering if you have ever actually done this before because you quite clearly have no freaking CLUE what is going on even though you could have SWORN you have already been through this parenting stage not so long ago.

And the differences have absolutely nothing to do with what you had prepared yourself for. You came home and painted the nursery pink, only to find that your young daughter would tell you as soon as she could form the words how TOTALLY STUPID PINK IS!. You packed away the action figures and stocked up on Little Ponies and Polly Pockets, and were completely surprised to learn that I WANNA PLAY WITH A GUYZZZZ! WHERE IS MY GUYZZZZ???

And the only child whose been caught anywhere near that dollhouse set is your 8 year old son.

Oh yes, raising boys and girls is very different.

And not just because your expectations are different.

Well, maybe MOSTLY because your expectations are different.

But also because you suddenly become acutely aware of what the world will expect of your kids – and how THOSE are so vastly different for each of them. One will be pushed to grow up big and strong, while the other will be praised for being beautiful and charming. One will be allowed to well up with tears over dang near anything, while the other one will be told to suck it up if their emotions ever overwhelm them.

Suddenly you find yourself preparing two people, with entirely separate personalities for two starkly different worlds – all under the same roof under the constraints of one set of rules.

Raising boys is a challenge. Raising girls is also a challenge.

But raising boys AND girls together is a completely different challenge all its own.