Tantrums. We’re so there. Oh, how I wish we could skip this stage of parenting! Can anyone make that happen?

Tantrums are nothing new to us, of course. Being that this is our second child, we know all too well what it’s like to deal with a toddler and tantrums. Even so, it’s hard to actually get through them!

When baby girl was almost 18 months old, the terrible twos hit. And they hit hard. She actually started acting up even before that, but 18 months was probably when it got really bad. Similarly, baby boy has started his tantrums before the 18-month mark. Luckily, though, they’re not as bad as his big sister’s. Let’s hope that doesn’t change.

Back when we dealt with baby girl’s toddler tantrums, most people would provide us with some form of the following advice:

• Ignore it.
• Let her cry.
• Some kids will hit themselves.
• So what if she makes herself throw up, what’s the worst that can happen?

When you’re in the moment, though, it’s very hard to ignore your child banging her head against the wall or crying so hard she vomits. Though baby boy is not doing either of those things – he really just cries and runs around in a circle for a bit – it’s still hard to ignore the crying fit.

The good thing is that we are more prepared this time around and know that if we don’t pay it much mind, he’ll calm down. We also know that he’s truly just frustrated or upset about a situation and cannot communicate that to us. Reminding ourselves of this makes it easier to distract him from the offense or help him calm down faster.

It’s still tough.

One thing we were told back when baby girl’s tantrums got to a very difficult stage, was that we should start formal time-outs. We had already been doing time-outs, but not formally. We weren’t telling her it was a time-out and we also weren’t using a specific chair. Perhaps it’s time to initiate the time-out ritual with baby boy before his tantrums worsen.

Baby girl’s tantrums did eventually get better. We stuck with time-outs and soon enough, we didn’t even need them. I just can’t remember how long it took us to get to that point. I know that baby boy’s tantrum stage will also pass just as hers did. But, I’m already ready for them to be over.

How long did the tantrum stage last for your kids?

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

Photo: Chirag Rathod/Flickr

It’s funny how different baby boy is from his big sister, and yet, how alike they also are. They are so alike, in fact, that when baby boy was a few months old, it was just like looking at a photo of baby girl from when she was the same age.

The similarities show up in interesting ways, though, and go beyond the physical. One thing he’s been doing lately is what we call the “pretend I’m sleeping game.” He lays down, pretends to snore (full-on snorting noise), and then sits up looking around the room saying, “Huh? Huh? Huh?” That last part is him pretending to wake up surprised.

His little game is funny, but it’s especially interesting and entertaining to us because his big sister did the exact same thing when she was about his age. And, I mean exactly. She played that game in the very same way and laughed about it just like he does.

To be honest, we’re not even sure where he picked up this game or if he saw someone do it. Baby girl hasn’t done it since she was much younger, so he didn’t learn it from her, for once. He just started doing it one day out of nowhere.

Of course, there are many other things we’ve noticed are the same between our boy and our girl. Some are very obvious and others more hidden. It’s amazing to us how two children can share so much, though they each have very distinct personalities. We’re loving it!

Have you noticed many similarities in your children or are they vastly different?

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

Photo: Lars Plougmann/Flickr

Baby girl completed Kindergarten last week. Her first year of school is done and over with and I now officially have a first-grader. Wow.

She was pretty sad about finishing up the school year, mostly because she was feeling like she’d miss her teacher and friends. She came home on her last day of school saying, “I want to stay in Kindergarten another year. I don’t want to move to first grade.” I told her that it would all be okay and that we definitely want to move forward in life, not backward. “Progress is good,” I told her. “Why?” she asked.

Her question stumped me for a second. How was I to explain such an abstract concept of progression to a six-year-old?

I decided to compare it to physical growth – hers and that of plants. She had recently learned of a plant’s life cycle, so I knew it would be an easy connection for her. “If a seed doesn’t progress, then it gets stuck as a seed and doesn’t grow into a plant, right? The same goes for you. You want to get bigger, don’t you?” She nodded and I continued to explain that our minds need to grow too. “If not, we’ll get stuck and we’ll never know anything new!”

She seemed to understand this, but still wished she could stay in Kindergarten and learn new things there. I realized no amount of words were going to help my baby girl in that moment, so I gave her what I knew she needed, a hug.

As a woman, I know that sometimes us girls just need a big hug, without words, to help us feel better. It makes little sense to many, except maybe other women. Sometimes we don’t want to make sense of things, or fix the situation. I know exactly what that feels like and yet there I was trying to “fix” my baby girl’s feelings on finishing Kindergarten. The hug I gave her did so much more to help her than any of my words.

With that hug, I immediately felt a release of the worry in her little body. Since that day, she still sometimes mentions she’s going to miss her teacher, but she hasn’t said anything about wanting to stay in Kindergarten. In fact, she’s made statements starting with, “When I’m in first grade…” I guess she’s showing progress after all.

Were your children sad when they finished their first year of school?

With this generation of parents raising children in a digital age, it’s no surprise that we’re sharing special parenting moments online. When our children do the cutest thing ever, we have this desire to share with the world – at least our Facebook world. Or maybe it’s Twitter. If you’re a blogger, and one that writes about parenting, then you’re especially prone to share these memories on your blog, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and every other social media platform you belong to. We must share.

I’m guilty of it. Just this week, I shared some tidbits from baby boy and baby girl’s lives that I thought were cute, humorous, or just special.

I don’t believe it’s a bad thing, honestly. I think we’ve just taken the traditional “water cooler” conversations into a new space. Sharing parenting moments is not a new thing. Our parents did it. Our grandparents did it. They just did it in other ways – talking to each other across the fence, sharing their kids’ milestones over lunch at work, or perhaps chatting when picking up the kids from school. It’s the same thing, except we’re now sharing with our online circle of parents.

The thing to be careful about, I suppose, is that we share in a respectful and cautious manner. Since we’re sharing online, the memories will last much longer than if we were just talking to our next door neighbor. These parenting moments we’re sharing will last pretty much forever once published online. This means our children will be able to find them one day. Depending on what you’re sharing, this can either be a great thing or not so good.

Personally, I try to share what I believe other parents will relate to, find humorous, or moments I find I need help with as a mother. I don’t share everything and mostly share those moments that make me laugh, but that are not embarrassing for my kids. In general, I believe I’m sharing the special memories and milestones, but not the bad stuff. At least, I try my best to be conscious of differentiating between the two. However, that’s not to say that if you do share the bad stuff, it’s a bad thing. I’m just saying I prefer not to.

Sharing our parenting moments, special memories of our children, and the humorous times in parenting, is all in our parenting nature. Our children will enjoy reading and hearing about the moments we document. In turn, they’ll share their own special childhood memories and storytelling traditions will continue throughout generations. Who knows what kind of stories they’ll share online when they get older, right? Maybe they’ll be talking about us!

What kind of parenting moments do you share online?

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

Photo: epSos.de/Flickr

It’s pretty sad to admit, but the truth is that my baby boy is suffering from second child syndrome. Don’t know what that is? It’s when you let go of those “must and should” expectations you had with your first baby.

We all know those things we did, bought, or thought we were supposed to do with our baby, don’t we? More than likely, you soon realized you really didn’t need that baby item. Or perhaps you figured out that it wasn’t such a big deal if things didn’t work out exactly as you read in that parenting book.

When you have a second baby, you are already so much more comfortable and confident as a mother, that you let go of many of those expectations. You know that things won’t ever go as planned and you learn to go with the flow. Unfortunately, this also means you slack on other aspects of parenting that you may later wish you had continued doing.

I think part of the second child syndrome is also due to the fact that you are constantly splitting your time and attention between two children. I certainly didn’t purposely neglect to do some things; it just sort of happened in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Here are a few examples. Perhaps you can relate?

Things I Did With My Girl That Didn’t Happen With My Boy

1. Memory book
2. Professional photographs for the milestone months and holidays
3. Followed behind her every move
4. Worry about every little thing (as much)
5. Use all the baby items and gadgets I thought I needed
6. Freak out when she fell
7. Stress over how much she ate

Now that I’m more conscious of this, I am trying to be better about it. I’m taking more photos of my baby boy, starting to document more of his moments and special quirks, and generally trying to create more memories. However, I think the reduced amount of worrying (about him falling, eating, etc.) is actually a good thing, since it allows him more freedom and independence.

If you have more than one child, do you think they suffer(ed) from second child syndrome? If not, how did you avoid it?

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

Photo: jerseygal2009/Flickr

I always thought I’d want to have three children. My then-boyfriend, now-husband, thought differently. He thought two would be just fine for our family, but wasn’t entirely against the idea of three. As we had our first child, we adjusted. Anyone who’s had a baby knows exactly how much your life completely turns upside down.

Our family of two became three. We went through the motions of nurturing, caring for, and learning all about our baby girl. As is quite typical within extended family, almost immediately after she was born, we were being asked if we wanted a second child. Our sleep-deprived, defunct brains couldn’t fathom another child. At the time, we were pretty sure our baby girl was going to be an only child.

Through the next few years, my husband and I went back and forth on the issue of having more children. Some months we missed having a young infant in the house and thought we’d eventually have another. Other months – especially those months our daughter was particularly going through a rough phase – we were sure we didn’t want any more. When our daughter hit the tantrum phase, we were pretty much ready to run to the doctor for reproductive surgery to ensure we didn’t have more children. Dealing with tantrums is always rough in parenting. Luckily, though, tantrums don’t last forever.

Once our baby girl got past tantrums and began to act like a human again, we began to have feelings of wanting another baby. It took us a while, but we eventually decided to go for it and try for a second child. Baby girl was four when we got pregnant and turned five when her baby brother was born.

Our family of three is now a family of four. And, we can’t imagine it any other way. It’s hard to think of the days when our baby boy was not around; it seems like he’s always been a part of our family. Of course, we’ve had adjustments, again, to raising two children versus just one child. Honestly, though, it hasn’t been too rough thus far.

My biggest surprise in having two children? How incredibly big their love for each other is! That little boy searches for his sister when she’s at school, is thrilled to see her, and is sad to see her go. In turn, rarely a minute goes by when she’s not talking to, playing with, or harassing her little bro. They were truly made for each other.

If you have more than one child, what has been the biggest surprise for you in parenting siblings?

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

Photo: Jim Hammer

Once a week, my daughter goes to dance class. Since the dance center she attends is closer to my parents’ house, I take the opportunity to head to their house after picking her up from school. We use this time to hang out with the abuelos and I get a chance to see my parents before it’s time for her dance class.

It’s become such a regular part of our weekly routine, that every Thursday when I pick up baby girl at school, she confirms, “Are we going to Abuela’s house?” On the rare occasion when something interferes with our plans, she gets disappointed. I do too, honestly. There’s something very comforting about knowing that each Thursday afternoon we get to see my parents. My mom and I talk, she feeds us as only your mom and an abuela can, and both baby boy and baby girl get the extra hugs and kisses from their grandparents.

For me, seeing the bond that my children have with my parents is especially precious because I never had such a relationship with one of my grandparents. I didn’t grow up near any of my grandparents – my paternal grandmother passed away long before I was born and the other three grandparents lived in New York City. While this is something that I certainly wish I had as a child, it’s something I’ve accepted for what it was. But, it does help me appreciate the special relationship my parents have with my kids. It helps me understand that it is important for them to visit their abuelos, to have sleep overs, and talk with them on a regular basis.

So, while it’s certainly not the only time we visit my parents, dance class day will continue to be a ritual. We will enjoy what the abuelos have to share with us and keep on nurturing the treasured connection such a relationship affords.

Did you have a special relationship with your grandparents?

Every day when I pick up baby girl from school I ask her the same questions: How was your day? Did you have fun? and What did you guys do? The majority of the time her answer to the last question is a simple, “I don’t really remember.” She can tell me all about what games her and her friends made up during recess and who she talked to while waiting at the car loop, but it takes a lot of digging to find out what they did or talked about in her Kindergarten class. However, fast forward a few days, or even a week, and little snippets of what they’ve done come out in casual conversation.

With Martin Luther King day being celebrated early last week, it wasn’t until the weekend that we were able to find out more about what she learned in class regarding the man behind the holiday. Of course, as is customary for my baby girl, it wasn’t a straight “here’s what the teacher told us” conversation. The information almost always comes out in things she says or does; she also has a habit of surprising me at the most unexpected moments. Here’s a glimpse at a couple of conversations we had over the weekend that were sparked by her class’ discussion of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

No More ‘Whites Only’

“I’m glad the ‘white only’ signs are gone mommy,” she said as she was watching TV and I was changing baby boy’s diaper.

“Me too baby.”

“But, what happened to the babies?”

“What do you mean sweetie?”

“Well, since people with dark skin couldn’t be in the same house as people with white skin, what happened to the babies with dark skin? Did they take them somewhere else?”

“No! They stayed with their parents. If the babies have dark skin, then that means the parents did too, right?”*

“But, what about baby boy and I? You don’t have dark skin, but we do. So, pretend the ‘white only’ signs were still around – what would happen to us?”

“You don’t think I have dark skin?”

“Well, it’s more like tan.”

“Ok. Well, they didn’t separate the babies from their parents, sweetie. They all stayed together in their house. And, actually mama, if we lived back in those days, they would have thought I had dark skin too, just like you.”

“Oh, ok.”

*I realize this statement is not completely true, but I didn’t really want to get into an explanation of genetics with a 6 year old.

Love Drives Out Love

She sat at our dining table drawing a picture as I fed her little brother. When she finished she showed it to me as she normally does.

“What does this say?” I asked her pointing to the words I had already read, but wanted her to explain.

“Love drives out love.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Well, at school they told us that Martin King-”

“Martin Luther King?”

“Yes, Martin Luther King said ‘Hate does not drive out hate, only love does.’”

“Ok. And, do you know what that means?”

“No, no I don’t.”

“You guys didn’t talk about it at school?”

“No.”

“I see. Well, what he was saying was that if someone has hate in their heart, to give them more hate, by being mean or violent, is not going to take that hate away. You have to show them love to take their hate away.”

“Ohhhhh…”

“Do you really get it?”

“I think so.”

“He believed in being peaceful. He didn’t think you could make someone who has hate be better by being violent. You needed to show them love and be peaceful to help them change.”

“Like the people that wanted the ‘white only’ signs!”

“Yes. Exactly.”

“Ok. Well, I was trying to say love brings more love. Love drives out love.”

“I get it. That’s a very nice thought baby girl.”

It always amazes me how much farther her mind takes things. She’ll always have a follow-up question. Or she’ll think of varying scenarios and wonder ‘what if’. She loves to explore and imagine. This is a good thing. It will help her empathize and understand the world better as she grows.

Discussions on race will no doubt continue in our house for a long time. As she learns more and more about this country’s history, she will come home with more questions. It will take a long time for her to fully grasp all that was, all that is, and all that may be. And, that’s ok. I’m still working on it myself.

Top photo by Tim Krepp

Today my baby girl turns five years old. That is a big deal. Five is (in my mind anyway) officially the age when kids turn into big (little) kids. That is, they are no longer babies, preschoolers, or whatever other term you use; they are now actual little kids. Which is why I wanted to be sure to properly celebrate her birthday this year, even though I knew I’d be 38+ weeks pregnant and our second child could arrive at any time. Thankfully, we were able to pull it off and our baby boy cooperated and waited to be born. His big sister was able to have her birthday party this past Saturday amongst many friends and family. Today, she gets a second celebration with her preschool classmates. She’s a happy five year old girl!

My husband and I thought it would be fun to ask our daughter some questions in order to get inside the mind of a five year old. After all, she’s been talking about turning five for a really long time and has set some pretty high expectations about it. She has been commenting for a few months now how she’ll be able to do this and that when she turns five: “I can’t do that now, because I’m only four. But, soon I’ll be five. Maybe I can do it then!”

So, this morning, we sat down and asked her these questions. Of course, in true kid form, when you try to record the answers and save the memory, is when they decide not to talk. She wasn’t as talkative this morning and did not provide very detailed answers as I know she would have normally, but nevertheless, here are her thoughts:

1. Do you think turning 5 years old will change what you do each day? No.
2. What do you want to be when you grow up? A baby doctor.
3. Why are you excited about turning 5? Because, I’m turning 5 and tomorrow the baby’s coming out!
4. How long did you wait to turn 5? Like, almost 100 years. I wish every day was my birthday.
5. Anything special you want to tell me about turning 5? I’m excited about being a big sister for the baby.

We plan to ask some of the same questions next year and see how the answers differ. Hopefully, we’ll be able to build a nice scrapbook for her of each year’s answers, so that when she gets older she can read through it.

What humorous moments or thoughts have your children shared with you?

Mommy, you know there are bras for little girls too?

Well, not for little girls like you, but older little girls, yeah.

Like for 5 year olds? (Mind you, she turns 5 next month and apparently the world is going to drastically change when she’s 5 – she’ll officially be a big girl that can do any.thing. So she thinks.)

No, not for 5 year olds. Older girls. Like 10 maybe.

Nuh uh! [classmate's name] had a bra on when she was 3!

Are you sure it was a bra sweetie? Maybe it was an undershirt, like the ones you sometimes wear.

Noooo. It was a bra.

How do you know it was a bra? Did you see it?

Yes, she showed it to me.

Well, baby, even if she did, you’re not going to wear a bra until you need to – when you start growing breasts. That’s when mommy started wearing a bra.

Awww…I wish I could wear a bra.

Baby girl, don’t rush it. Enjoy being a 5 year old and not having to worry about that. When the time comes, you’ll wear a bra. Your body knows when it’s supposed to grow and when things are supposed to happen. Don’t rush things, ok?

Ok, mommy.

So went our conversation a few mornings ago. I’m not sure if her classmate really did have a bra on or not – I would hope not, since there’s no reason – but, somehow my not-even 5-year-old got the idea in her head that she needed a bra. I know she sees them in the stores too as we shop for her clothes and nowadays they look really pretty. I cringe every time I see a padded beginner’s bra. Why does a 10 year old just starting to develop and wear a bra need padding again? Aside from the padding, the bras in the little girls’ section are definitely much prettier than the ones around when I went through the ritual of picking my first bra. I definitely get why they are enticing for my girl.

Still, I can’t help but think of what else is coming my way. Did I ask my mother such questions at such a young age? What other questions will I have to answer within the next year and especially when she begins kindergarten?

I am not shying away from such conversations, but it would be helpful if I could peek into her little brain and know ahead of time so that I can prepare myself. It would also help if she waited until after I’ve had breakfast and fully woken up before she springs such heavy conversation on me.

If you have a little girl, at what age did she start asking about bras? What other questions have you fielded from your young children already?

[photo credit: Glamcheck]