How Do You Recover from Parenting Fails?

by Melanie Edwards on July 5, 2011 · 12 comments

in Parenting

Parenting Fail

What do you do to recover from those moments in parenting when you just lose it all? Those moments when the frustration, disappointment, and overall lack of positive energy leave you and you end up in a state of utter insanity with your kids?

I despise the person I become when frustration takes over. I lose patience, am ill-tempered, and lash out, making my daughter feel horrible in the process. It’s unfair to her. I can feel myself getting close to the point of losing it. Even though I try to avoid it, without a doubt, something always pushes me over the edge.

Normally, after I calm down, I sit and talk with her. I let her know that I don’t like acting that way. I apologize. I let her share how she feels and in turn explain how I felt. It’s all I know to do.

But, is it enough? Is an apology and quick conversation enough to recover from a major parenting fail? Especially if months later, it happens again?

I fear it’s not. I fear she’s going to end up in therapy if I have many more of those moments.

How do you prevent such moments? And, more so, when you have them, how do you recover from them? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Nikki @ Mommy Factor July 6, 2011 at 9:25 am

I have some moments with my son but I say sorry and give him hugs later…after explaining what he did wasn’t nice. :)

I can only comment from being the “child” but dont under estimate the power of saying sorry I snapped at you, even months after.  We can’t always be perfect and lets be real sometimes these kids work our patience but letting them know, we’re not prefect but we still love them and we’re sorry teaches a value life lesson for when they’re parents.

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modernmami July 13, 2011 at 12:44 am

I agree that showing we’re not perfect is a valuable lesson. I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with this sometimes…

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Susan Payton July 6, 2011 at 10:09 pm

I needed this post, Mel. I feel so bad when I blow up, but I feel like I can’t help it. And he remembers those moments. He does. But I don’t know how not to have them!

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modernmami July 13, 2011 at 12:46 am

I find myself breathing deep and saying “give me patience” a lot. LOL I really do try not to have these moments, but man, she really knows how to push the buttons sometimes. Hopefully there are enough good moments to outweigh the memories of these moments?

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Piera Jolly July 7, 2011 at 3:49 am

I have these moments too. All moms do, I’m sure. However, the key is that we sit down with our kids, apologize, and allow them to express their emotions. It’s a great lesson for kids to see adults being human, making mistakes, and apologizing. I think you’re doing a great job, Melanie!

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modernmami July 13, 2011 at 12:49 am

Thanks, Piera! Totally agree that letting them see all sides of us is a good thing. I do apologize and talk it over with her. I think it helps, but just wish I could avoid it happening again.

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Roxana A. Soto July 7, 2011 at 7:19 am

I hear you, amiga! I know exactly what you’re talking about and I hate myself when I do it too! I don’t know what the answer is either… I guess I can only say you’re doing your best, you’re not perfect and, in the end, I know you’re a great mom and both your nenes are lucky to have you and your husband as parents!

Un fuerte abrazo!

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modernmami July 13, 2011 at 12:51 am

Gracias amiga! So good to hear it sometimes. You’re right, there is no answer. We just have to try our best.

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Daily Ads July 7, 2011 at 9:38 pm

 The Only Way is to Learn from Your Mistake and Sorry for Things that You feel u done Bad….and be on Ryt Track.

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modernmami July 13, 2011 at 12:53 am

Learning from mistakes is a good reminder and a good example to set!

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Chantilly Patiño July 9, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Melanie, I think every mom goes through this.  We have a lot of responsibilities on our plates and life can get a little frustrating at times, so we all have those moments where we crack and we don’t behave in a way that we think we should.  The important thing is to let our kids know that our frustration is not their fault and that even though what they did was wrong, part of the commotion is due to other things going on in your life…and just like they will come home as teens with those upset feelings from something happening at school, you may come home from work not feeling ready to deal with issues at home, etc.  It’s normal, but finding new ways to deal with our frustrations can help too…when we remember them…lol.  One of my favorite blogs is http://dulcefamily.blogspot.com/ because she talks a lot about being a mom and doling out positive discipline when you’re stressed.  She reads a lot into natural parenting and that helps, but we all have our moments…it doesn’t make you a bad mom…it just makes you human.  <3

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modernmami July 13, 2011 at 12:57 am

Thanks, Chantilly. Appreciate the reminder. :)

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