Comments on: Finding the Woman Within the Mom

By: modernmami

modernmami — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 17:03:00 +0000

Great to hear from a mom that is about to “let go” so to speak. I can
imagine it’s hard, no doubt about it. And, yes, of course you want them to
call every day – or text! – but, it’s great that you recognize you need to
give him some space to be independent. Thanks Blanca!

By: blancastella

blancastella — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 00:50:00 +0000

My mother was the same raising 5 kids. I find now that I am at the tail end raising my 17 year old son, I’m becoming much closer to my mom as a friend and find myself sharing a lot of stories that were never shared. She and I both take great pleasure in this.
With 7 grandchildren she maintains a close relationship with all of them as well as my siblings.
I too am glad that I have my own aspirations now that my son is ready to fly the coup soon. My new babies are my projects and the timing is perfect so I can pursue my dreams…like a second birthing of sorts.
In a way, has been good for my mom to have 5 kids, but just like your mom, her greatest joy comes from doing things for her kids even though we are all independent and out of the house. If I did that with only 1, my son would probably feel smothered and I am making every effort so he can feel totally independent. but you know what? I hope that he is one of those sons that still calls me every day when he is away. (or at least text me):)

By: modernmami

modernmami — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 22:18:00 +0000

Love the insight Monica! You totally nailed it when you said that you hope
your children visit you because they want to, not because you need them to.

By: Monica

Monica — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 22:13:00 +0000

I love this post, Melanie! This is a story that is very common throughout the world. And I still see it today in my family and my church. It can sometimes make me sad, because I see some older women who just flounder once their children are grown, or if (heaven forbid) their husbands die or “wander off”. I know several older women (in my own family, as well as my friends’) who struggle with depression as a result. Or who constantly push their children to have children, too, so that they can slide into the role of grandmother.
My own grandmother battles depression now that she is older and her husband has passed away. She has no hobbies, no good friends to speak of, and no real interests outside of her ‘novelas’. I wish so badly that she had something that she enjoyed doing with her hands, heart and mind.
I have made a vow to myself never to be that way and work hard to maintain my interests. I hope that my children come to visit me when they are grown because they want to and not because I am bugging them to do so.

By: modernmami

modernmami — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 21:16:00 +0000

Gracias, Ana. It’s true that marrying older and already establishing yourself as a woman can make a difference.

By: modernmami

modernmami — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 21:13:00 +0000

Que cómico Raul! Bad mami. LOL

I agree. We can chose what to keep as traditions and what we want to change.

By: modernmami

modernmami — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 20:59:00 +0000

So glad you enjoyed it Lisa! I think we all get traits from our mothers, it’s understandable. But, like you, I have things I want to change so that cycle doesn’t continue.

By: modernmami

modernmami — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 20:37:00 +0000

Thanks, as always, Rachel! Glad you liked it.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 00:38:00 +0000

Love the reflection and the honesty in this post. I am not “trying” to define my role, I just wouldn’t be complete without everything that makes me who I am. I believe the difference with my own mom is that I married much older and already had a semi-sense of my identity. Being a mother just completes, it does not delete everything I already was.

By: Raul Colon

Raul Colon — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 23:20:00 +0000

Ok. I probably can’t answer your question but I can say that I think my mom and dad pretty much shared the responsibility but did teach us that if something needed to be done they had to do it.

I look at all my peers and saw a different story more similar to yours. I remember how my dad when mom when to work took over the cooking and many tasks and when My dad went to work we ordered chinese food because mom did not do the same for him… LOL

I think we can look back at what are parents thought was right and we should pick and choose.

I really admire the time you take in writing and other things you do online. Keep up the good work!