At the beginning of this year, I reflected on what I am looking forward to for 2013 and shared some personal goals and planned changes. One of those is to grow my knowledge this year – to read more, learn something new, enhance a skill – something along those lines. You see, I used to have lots of dreams, ambitions, and the energy and drive to do it all. Somehow, in the hustle and bustle of wanting to be a good mom, and be there…I lost that.
My husband has noticed. My family has noticed. And, slowly, I came to the realization myself. I have moments of pure brain mush – where I can’t tap into knowledge I know I once had. I can’t remember how to do the complex math problems I used to do when studying years and years of high-level math and science during my Engineering courses. Heck, I can’t even work in that field now without going back to school. It’s just not there anymore.
That’s just but one example of how I feel I’m no longer the woman I used to be. I know I have goals in mind, but they are not as clearly defined as they once used to be. I know I’m motivated, but it’s not showing in tangible results – at least not in my mind. So, what’s a woman to do? How do I bring my snappy, energetic, ambitious, and intelligent self back?
To be honest, I haven’t quite figured this out yet. I’ve thought about buying myself a study book to revisit topics like math and science, just to give my brain a chance to be stimulated in a different manner. I’ve considered enrolling in some kind of local class or program. There are many options, obviously, but I have yet to narrow down my personal choices and decide what it is that I currently need. I suppose that’s a process in and of itself, right?
I’ll have to work on figuring this out and finding myself again (so to speak). In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you – do you ever find yourself wondering where the woman you were has gone? Do you find that motherhood has, in a way, stripped you of your previous identity?
Original photo: Fabiana/Flickr