Censoring

by Melanie Edwards on April 6, 2009 · 5 comments

in life

Truth is, I was having trouble coming up with what to write about today. It’s not that I don’t have plenty of ideas rolling around in my head – or more like the memos app on my phone, since that’s actually my brain these days – but, it’s more that there’s just *so much* going on that I don’t know what to actually post and what will bore you to death.

I tend to censor myself a lot. Even in talking, I will sometimes keep from saying things I’m thinking because “I don’t know how they’ll react.”

It’s a terribly bad habit; one that’s even more encouraged when writing and not speaking. It’s super easy to hit that backspace key and just start over.

I want to tell you all about the stupidly un-confident (Is that even a word? It really should be.) thing I said to my husband the other day. Or how I was completely impatient with my daughter yesterday and probably could have handled a few incidents better. How about sharing some of my insecurities? Because unlike what Miss Britt might think, I am not “…immune to insecurities” at all. Far from it.

I could very well also post more light-hearted things. Like how long it’s been since I’ve shaved my legs. (You don’t want to know. Really.) Or how I can’t laugh at something my husband says without a little snort here and there. Because he’s the funniest person I know.

But, over and over I think about how you probably don’t care to read about all the mundane crap that happens in my everyday life. Surely, you don’t really care and more than likely you’re looking for something more than just that.

That’s not to say that I’m not real. I’m just very selective on what I will share and be real about.

So yeah, I censor myself. Repeatedly.

And now that that’s out and clear, let’s move on and get to some more important things. Before I select all and hit delete.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Miss Britt April 6, 2009 at 7:17 am

You’d be surprised what you can learn about someone through the “boring” stuff.

What stands out to them – that says something about the writer.
What makes them laugh, how they interpret the little things – all of that says something about the writer.

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Melanie (Modern Mami) April 7, 2009 at 6:40 am

@Miss Britt, I know from reading your blog that yes, people are interested, but I’m still unable to translate that into actually letting it all out myself.

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Susan Payton April 6, 2009 at 8:19 am

Funny, I came on here to point out Britt and how her very insecurities and F-ups are what make her have an entire city of people read her blog. But we’ve discussed this Mel, so I understand. Still, don’t be afraid to let go a little. I guess you did in this post (I’ll send you a razor, by the way).

But write what makes you comfortable. Write what makes you Modern Mami.

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Melanie (Modern Mami) April 7, 2009 at 6:42 am

@Susan Payton, No razor needed, just time. ;) I’m trying.

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