Comments on: Balancing Many Roles: Wife, Mother, Daughter

By: modernmami

modernmami — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 01:44:00 +0000

That’s great that your mom encourages you to take it easy! Now you just have
to find a way to let go of your own guilt.

By: Michelecaridadgv

Michelecaridadgv — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 20:07:00 +0000

I live about 35-40 mins away from my parents and i have the GUILT constantly!! my in-laws live in the same building so they see my daughter almost on a daily basis, sometimes every 2 or 3 days….

So…either sat. or sun will be a whole day affair because it just seems wrong to leave after only a few hours…but my mom often encourages me to just take it easy…i cant say the guilt comes from her…it comes from me!

By: modernmami

modernmami — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 14:29:00 +0000

Multi-tasking might not be too bad of an idea.

By: Tracy

Tracy — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 11:17:00 +0000

LOL – Okay, Skype sessions when you live 15 minutes away *is* a little weird. How about multi-tasking? If your daughter has a play date at the park or a dance class in the evenings, invite your Mom to meet you there for a quick ice cream afterwards? — It doesn’t have to be an all day “get together” – just keep that in mind, especially since you live so close. That works to your advantage.nnSorry that you’re having to juggle being a mother to young children and being a caregiver to your parents at the same time. Usually those things take place at different times in one’s life, but as we know, life doesn’t always work out accordingly. nnWishing you suerte!

By: modernmami

modernmami — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 18:38:00 +0000

See? That’s my mother in law too. They live about 4 hours away, so we seernthem a few times throughout the year. But, even if she goes a few weeksrnwithout speaking to my husband, they just pick up conversation like nothingrn- no guilt!

By: Leanne Chase - @leanneclc

Leanne Chase - @leanneclc — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 18:34:00 +0000

You are not alone. I struggle with it, too. My mother is 20 minutes away…but she piles the guilt on me. Saw her a week and a half ago and my little one got sick this weekend so I canceled our visit. She was visibly upset and gave me guilt for doing the right thing for all of us.nnAs for the men vs. women thing. My husband’s mother sees us about 4 times a year and while she’d love more, she is content not to pile on the guilt. nnHere’s hoping I break that cycle with my daughter and allow her to have a weekend like yours without the guilt.

By: modernmami

modernmami — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 18:30:00 +0000

Tracy, I cannot in all good conscience, schedule skype sessions for her andrnmy parents when we live 15 minutes away! LOL That just seems wrong…rnrnAbout the role of being an adult child/caregiver…I’m kind of alreadyrnthere. I’m the youngest and my mom is 30 years older than me, my dad is 37rnyears older and has dementia. So in a way, though I have small children, I’mrnalready in the double-role as a mom myself and caregiver. My mom is stillrngood, thank God, but little by little needs more help due to my dad’srnsituation.rnrnThanks for input, though. I do have to remind myself that no matter whatrnthey may think, I can only try my best.

By: Tracy

Tracy — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 18:25:00 +0000

We live about an hour and a half from my parents. It’s further than I had wanted when we moved, but we didn’t have a choice at the time. I used to feel guilty about not visiting with the kids more often, but the guilt has worn off with the realization that when we go over there they just run around and make a lot of noise with their cousin and I know that my parents secretly value quiet time to relax on the weekend, (though I think they don’t want to admit it!)nnWith holidays/birthdays, it usually works out that my family gets together about once or twice a month, and I’m cool with that.nnMaybe your daughter could have a Skype chat with the grandparents once a month? She could show them drawings she made, sing songs for them, etc nnIt’s hard to let go of the guilt, (and this applies to so many things women feel guilty about), but you can’t do everything and be everywhere. Right now your kids need you to focus on your role as a mother, and your husband needs you as a wife. You fulfilled your role as a child when you were little, and you will fulfill it again as an adult child/caregiver as your children grow up and your parents age. Different seasons in life… just go with the flow.nn