Last weekend we had a friend of ours visiting from out of town. He has been a good friend of my husband for over 10 years and gets along great with the kids. Baby girl thinks he’s pretty funny and as is true with most people, she loves talking to him, which is fine by us.

Except, there are those times when the adults get to talking and are so heavily involved in their conversation that it’s hard to let the kids participate. When you’re friends with someone for over 10 years, this can be especially true, since you have plenty of memories and inside jokes. You can imagine there were a couple of instances where this happened while our friend was visiting.

The first night our friend visited, as I tucked baby girl into bed, she said, “Mommy, when people visit us or we visit them, I don’t really get to talk a lot.” I responded by reminding her that she did talk quite a bit and that she even played a game with our friend and read a book. I proceeded to tell her that when her dad and I were her age, things were worse. “We weren’t allowed to just come up and talk to the adults like you do. If they talked to us, then we’d respond, but it wasn’t like we just started conversations with them on our own. At least you get to do that!”

This was probably the worst thing I could have said at that moment because she started to cry saying, “That’s just not fair mommy!” I quickly told her that’s just the way it was and those were the rules, but that it’s not her rule. This didn’t help as she continued to cry repeating it wasn’t fair. I finally calmed her down by telling her it was a long time ago and that her daddy and I were over it, so she didn’t have to worry about it.

I left her room laughing, which was the same reaction my husband and our visitor had. It’s funny that even though she’s able to interact with adults in a manner significantly different to how my husband and I did as kids, she found it unnerving we couldn’t.

What is something from your childhood your children found surprising?

Photo by Catherine

ridawesome [rid-aw-suhm]: something really, really cool

Baby girl made up a new word. Ridawesome. It’s a combination of ridiculous and awesome and means something is really, really cool. Like, ridiculously awesome.  Get it?

She found out the way new words are created and added to the dictionary is by becoming popular and used by many. So, in an effort to get her new word used by a large amount of people, she asked me to spread the word here.

I think that’s pretty ridawesome, don’t you?

Photo by Jeff Kubina

Every day when I pick up baby girl from school I ask her the same questions: How was your day? Did you have fun? and What did you guys do? The majority of the time her answer to the last question is a simple, “I don’t really remember.” She can tell me all about what games her and her friends made up during recess and who she talked to while waiting at the car loop, but it takes a lot of digging to find out what they did or talked about in her Kindergarten class. However, fast forward a few days, or even a week, and little snippets of what they’ve done come out in casual conversation.

With Martin Luther King day being celebrated early last week, it wasn’t until the weekend that we were able to find out more about what she learned in class regarding the man behind the holiday. Of course, as is customary for my baby girl, it wasn’t a straight “here’s what the teacher told us” conversation. The information almost always comes out in things she says or does; she also has a habit of surprising me at the most unexpected moments. Here’s a glimpse at a couple of conversations we had over the weekend that were sparked by her class’ discussion of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

No More ‘Whites Only’

“I’m glad the ‘white only’ signs are gone mommy,” she said as she was watching TV and I was changing baby boy’s diaper.

“Me too baby.”

“But, what happened to the babies?”

“What do you mean sweetie?”

“Well, since people with dark skin couldn’t be in the same house as people with white skin, what happened to the babies with dark skin? Did they take them somewhere else?”

“No! They stayed with their parents. If the babies have dark skin, then that means the parents did too, right?”*

“But, what about baby boy and I? You don’t have dark skin, but we do. So, pretend the ‘white only’ signs were still around – what would happen to us?”

“You don’t think I have dark skin?”

“Well, it’s more like tan.”

“Ok. Well, they didn’t separate the babies from their parents, sweetie. They all stayed together in their house. And, actually mama, if we lived back in those days, they would have thought I had dark skin too, just like you.”

“Oh, ok.”

*I realize this statement is not completely true, but I didn’t really want to get into an explanation of genetics with a 6 year old.

Love Drives Out Love

She sat at our dining table drawing a picture as I fed her little brother. When she finished she showed it to me as she normally does.

“What does this say?” I asked her pointing to the words I had already read, but wanted her to explain.

“Love drives out love.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Well, at school they told us that Martin King-”

“Martin Luther King?”

“Yes, Martin Luther King said ‘Hate does not drive out hate, only love does.’”

“Ok. And, do you know what that means?”

“No, no I don’t.”

“You guys didn’t talk about it at school?”

“No.”

“I see. Well, what he was saying was that if someone has hate in their heart, to give them more hate, by being mean or violent, is not going to take that hate away. You have to show them love to take their hate away.”

“Ohhhhh…”

“Do you really get it?”

“I think so.”

“He believed in being peaceful. He didn’t think you could make someone who has hate be better by being violent. You needed to show them love and be peaceful to help them change.”

“Like the people that wanted the ‘white only’ signs!”

“Yes. Exactly.”

“Ok. Well, I was trying to say love brings more love. Love drives out love.”

“I get it. That’s a very nice thought baby girl.”

It always amazes me how much farther her mind takes things. She’ll always have a follow-up question. Or she’ll think of varying scenarios and wonder ‘what if’. She loves to explore and imagine. This is a good thing. It will help her empathize and understand the world better as she grows.

Discussions on race will no doubt continue in our house for a long time. As she learns more and more about this country’s history, she will come home with more questions. It will take a long time for her to fully grasp all that was, all that is, and all that may be. And, that’s ok. I’m still working on it myself.

Top photo by Tim Krepp

A few months ago, one of my aunts was visiting from out of town. She was staying at my mami’s house and they were heading out for a day at a local park since they were bored with staying home. I took the opportunity to tag along so baby girl could have some fun at the park and get to know her Tía better.

Before we left, my Tía changed her clothes, and upon her return from the bedroom, my daughter noticed. Tía asked her, “How do I look?” to which my girl responded, “Good!” My Tía proceeded to pat her belly in that manner we adults often do when we’re indicating we need to lose weight. But, my daughter stared at her blankly. I spoke up and let my aunt know that baby girl had no concept of what she meant. “We don’t really point out things like that at home. She has no clue what you mean by that.”

Before entering her dance class last night, baby girl asked me if they would be able to wear make-up during their upcoming performance. (It’s going to be her first showcase since she started taking lessons.) I told her that no, she would not be able to wear make-up and that make-up is not something little girls wear.

At the end of the dance class, her instructor turned towards the parents and said, “I’m not a believer of putting make-up on babies, so for Saturday’s showcase, there’s no need to put make-up on your girls. They’re beautiful just as they are. You can just leave that stuff for the other studio.”

This morning, baby girl turned the TV on while I finished getting myself ready. I had forgotten that I left it on the food channel last night, which shows infomercials in the early morning. A couple of minutes later, baby girl runs into my room and proceeds to explain to me:

“Mommy, this man found this melon and they take the melon and make it into some type of cream you can then use to make yourself look younger and pretty!” She waves her hand around my face as she says this.

“Really?” I say. “And looking young is what makes you pretty? Would I not be pretty if I looked older?”

“Oh no mami! You always look pretty.”

“Thank you baby. So, why do we need to look younger, then? We’re fine the way we are, aren’t we?”

A bit puzzled, she pauses, thinks, then says, “Yeah!”

“Those people on TV are trying to trick people into thinking they don’t look pretty and thinking they need to look younger so that they can then buy what they’re selling.”

“Yeah, because they want more money!”

“That’s right. They are selling something and they want people to buy it. So, they make people think they really need it and trick them into thinking it will help them be better. But, that’s not what makes people pretty, mama.”

“Make-up?”

Feeling incredibly hypocritical, I said, “Make-up doesn’t make you pretty either, sweetie. It’s just something older women wear when they want to dress up and look a little different. But, it doesn’t make them pretty. In fact, if you wear too much make-up, it can make you look bad and takes away from what you really look like.”

“Ok mommy.”

*************************************

These are some examples of the daily struggle that it is to raise a girl. Regardless of how much emphasis you put on positive self and body image, or if you purposely refrain from showing negative examples (such as patting your belly or other areas of fat), the images make their way into your household and child’s mind in one way or another. Whether it’s another family member, TV, or some other external influence, you still end up having to curb the perceptions created.

When my Tía did what she did, she didn’t think of how her actions would be perceived. She did what many of us do. She pointed out a flaw in her body.

When baby girl’s dance instructor said what he said, I felt like applauding. This was one of the reasons we chose that dance school, because when we researched other ones in the area, many had photos of students in fancy outfits and wearing make-up on the homepage of their website. For us, that was an immediate turn-off. We wanted her to learn the art of dance and provide her with an outlet for socialization besides preschool. We did not want her to be part of a spectacle.

When I explained to my girl that make-up is not what makes you pretty, I had trouble coming up with the right words as to why women (myself included) do wear it. Because, let’s face it, when we put make-up on, we do in fact “feel” prettier.

So, as parents, how do we overcome these perceptions and continue to provide positive examples for our children? How can we curb the outside influences? And as women, how do we avoid sending mixed messages by telling our girls one thing, yet doing another?

“You’re just a big monster!”

You may be used to hearing such words on the playground as one preschooler screams out to another after doing something he/she didn’t like. It happens all the time and more than likely after a few minutes, they’re back to being best friends again.

But, never, did I think I’d be hearing those words directed at me, much less from my own daughter. Well, at least I thought I had quite a few more years before the dramatic accusations came my way from an over-hormonal teenager. It seems, though, that is not the case. Five-year-olds, apparently, can be just as hormonal and dramatic.

In the past few weeks, my daughter has been hearing what she calls my “serious voice” quite a bit – more than I’d like. But, we try hard to be firm and consistent and though I know we’re still undergoing a transition in our house with a new baby, that does not excuse the misbehaving. So, when needed, serious voice it is.

However, every so often, the use of the serious voice causes her to begin crying. Sometimes, this escalates into a full-out dramatic scene of shouting out random phrases like, “You just don’t love me!” When asked why she’s crying when she knows she was doing something wrong and the situation wasn’t so severe, she once screamed out, “You’re just…you’re just such a big monster!”

Later that evening, I shared the incident with my husband and confessed that those little words were like a knife to my heart. I told him: “I don’t want her thinking I’m a big monster!” He laughed, because of course, she doesn’t really think I’m a big monster. He spoke to her during her bath that night and asked her why she said that. Her response: “Sometimes…when mami uses her serious voice, it scares me, like a monster.”

She apologized, we talked it over, and I reminded her that no matter what she does and no matter how upset I may be, I will always love her. I was also reminded that sometimes words are just words. In my daughter’s case, she may just be trying to express her frustration and doesn’t necessarily mean what she says. In short, I should not take all her outbursts to heart…especially when there will be many more to come as she grows into her teenage years.

How do you deal with emotional outbursts?

Today my baby girl turns five years old. That is a big deal. Five is (in my mind anyway) officially the age when kids turn into big (little) kids. That is, they are no longer babies, preschoolers, or whatever other term you use; they are now actual little kids. Which is why I wanted to be sure to properly celebrate her birthday this year, even though I knew I’d be 38+ weeks pregnant and our second child could arrive at any time. Thankfully, we were able to pull it off and our baby boy cooperated and waited to be born. His big sister was able to have her birthday party this past Saturday amongst many friends and family. Today, she gets a second celebration with her preschool classmates. She’s a happy five year old girl!

My husband and I thought it would be fun to ask our daughter some questions in order to get inside the mind of a five year old. After all, she’s been talking about turning five for a really long time and has set some pretty high expectations about it. She has been commenting for a few months now how she’ll be able to do this and that when she turns five: “I can’t do that now, because I’m only four. But, soon I’ll be five. Maybe I can do it then!”

So, this morning, we sat down and asked her these questions. Of course, in true kid form, when you try to record the answers and save the memory, is when they decide not to talk. She wasn’t as talkative this morning and did not provide very detailed answers as I know she would have normally, but nevertheless, here are her thoughts:

1. Do you think turning 5 years old will change what you do each day? No.
2. What do you want to be when you grow up? A baby doctor.
3. Why are you excited about turning 5? Because, I’m turning 5 and tomorrow the baby’s coming out!
4. How long did you wait to turn 5? Like, almost 100 years. I wish every day was my birthday.
5. Anything special you want to tell me about turning 5? I’m excited about being a big sister for the baby.

We plan to ask some of the same questions next year and see how the answers differ. Hopefully, we’ll be able to build a nice scrapbook for her of each year’s answers, so that when she gets older she can read through it.

What humorous moments or thoughts have your children shared with you?

Mommy, you know there are bras for little girls too?

Well, not for little girls like you, but older little girls, yeah.

Like for 5 year olds? (Mind you, she turns 5 next month and apparently the world is going to drastically change when she’s 5 – she’ll officially be a big girl that can do any.thing. So she thinks.)

No, not for 5 year olds. Older girls. Like 10 maybe.

Nuh uh! [classmate's name] had a bra on when she was 3!

Are you sure it was a bra sweetie? Maybe it was an undershirt, like the ones you sometimes wear.

Noooo. It was a bra.

How do you know it was a bra? Did you see it?

Yes, she showed it to me.

Well, baby, even if she did, you’re not going to wear a bra until you need to – when you start growing breasts. That’s when mommy started wearing a bra.

Awww…I wish I could wear a bra.

Baby girl, don’t rush it. Enjoy being a 5 year old and not having to worry about that. When the time comes, you’ll wear a bra. Your body knows when it’s supposed to grow and when things are supposed to happen. Don’t rush things, ok?

Ok, mommy.

So went our conversation a few mornings ago. I’m not sure if her classmate really did have a bra on or not – I would hope not, since there’s no reason – but, somehow my not-even 5-year-old got the idea in her head that she needed a bra. I know she sees them in the stores too as we shop for her clothes and nowadays they look really pretty. I cringe every time I see a padded beginner’s bra. Why does a 10 year old just starting to develop and wear a bra need padding again? Aside from the padding, the bras in the little girls’ section are definitely much prettier than the ones around when I went through the ritual of picking my first bra. I definitely get why they are enticing for my girl.

Still, I can’t help but think of what else is coming my way. Did I ask my mother such questions at such a young age? What other questions will I have to answer within the next year and especially when she begins kindergarten?

I am not shying away from such conversations, but it would be helpful if I could peek into her little brain and know ahead of time so that I can prepare myself. It would also help if she waited until after I’ve had breakfast and fully woken up before she springs such heavy conversation on me.

If you have a little girl, at what age did she start asking about bras? What other questions have you fielded from your young children already?

[photo credit: Glamcheck]

Conversations with preschoolers can be fun. They come up with interesting thoughts, sometimes silly, but often humorous and enlightening. My 4-year-old daughter is a talker. She loves to ask about the world and has many ideas she shares with us – a lot. This makes for very entertaining drives to preschool in the morning.

This morning, I decided to ask my baby girl a few questions about Thanksgiving. I wanted to expand on what they’ve been learning in school and reinforce the overall message of Thanksgiving. Here was our conversation.

What are you thankful for?

In the order she responded:

• my family
• food
• toys
• clothes
• stuffed animals

Me: Aren’t stuffed animals toys?
Baby Girl: Yes!
Me: So, didn’t you already say toys?
Baby Girl: But…they’re animals!
Me: Oh, ok…so it’s different?
Baby Girl: Yeah.

What is Thanksgiving all about?

Thanksgiving is about love, hugs, kisses, and being thankful. Oh, and food.

How do we celebrate Thanksgiving?

We sit around a big dinner table and hold hands, close our eyes and say a prayer.

What is your favorite thing about Thanksgiving?

Hmmm…the turkey. The crispy part.

Me: The crispy part of the turkey?
Baby Girl: Yes!

I’d like to point out that she’s never eaten the crispy part of the turkey. Ever. I’ll be lucky if she actually eats turkey at all this year.

Hope you have a great Thanksgiving – full of love, hugs, kisses…and crispy turkey!

On Sunday, I co-hosted the Orlando Hebrew National Better-Than-A-Picnic Picnic. The night before, the husband and I were explaining to baby girl that we would be going to the picnic and that we were going to be helping people. We told her that we’d be collecting items that would be given to people who needed them. This led to a resurfacing of a previous conversation concerning people who don’t have as much as we do. It also led to many questions/comments from her:

• “Why do some people not have houses?”
• “But, if they sleep on the streets…that’s dangerous!”
• “When did we not have a house?”

After answering all her questions and feeling good that she was actually understanding this concept, she proceeded to break my heart…in a good way.

“Maybe one day…daddy can go work more and get even more money and we can build them a house!”

Oh baby girl, how I wish we could. That sure would be great.

After the initial laughter between my husband and I about her sending him to do more work, I sat there in the car on our way home and had to really fight back the tears. I was so proud of my girl and that she not only understood, but that she also wanted to help.

During the picnic itself, it was bittersweet to see local homeless families at the event. While it was nice to see the kids enjoying themselves and having fun with other kids attending, including my daughter, it was really sad to know that at the end of the day, they wouldn’t have a home to go to.

One day, though, perhaps as a community, we’ll be able to fulfill my baby girl’s hopes of being able to “build them a house” and help everyone.

For another story about my girl and how sweet she’s acting these days, head over to read about her Big Sister Love.

Disclosure: I was compensated for my time and work in co-hosting the Hebrew National Better-Than-A-Picnic Picnic.

My three year old daughter is incredibly cute. I’m not biased or anything. Just see for yourself.

See? I told you so.

Not only is she beautiful on the outside, but she’s an incredibly sweet little girl as well. And smart. Also? Funny. Truly funny – not just “Oh, she’s so cute so I’ll laugh at anything” funny either.

I love all these qualities about her. She’s definitely got a strong combination going for herself.

Sometimes I look at her and I can just see the wheels turning in her head. Then she’ll burst out with some random thought. I love those moments. They give me an opportunity to glimpse into her little brain and get an idea of what she’s thinking about all day.

Some of the random thoughts she’s said lately:

• Mommy, you’re my best friend.
• When I grow up, I want to be a detective.
• Daddy’s a funny guy, isn’t he mommy?
• You know what abuela? I’m from the United States.

They all make sense to me and my husband. And all show different characteristics of baby girl: love, aspirations, admiration, and culture.

She continually surprises me and never ceases to amaze me. And I just want to eat her all up. But, then she’d tell me “Mommmyyy, we DON’T eat peopleeee!”

What craziness do you love about your children? Let’s share some positive memories in the comments to get away from the everyday aggravations for a little bit.