“Change is good,” I recently told my six-year-old. “It often means you’re progressing and moving forward.” These days I am finding the need to remind myself of this as I watch my sweet baby girl become less baby and more girl. The change is there, staring me straight in the face and taunting my motherly need to keep her a baby.

It’s odd to have your own words playing back to you, reminding you that her growing up and becoming a little girl as opposed to a preschooler is indeed, a good thing. It means she’s growing as she should, developmentally and physically. It means life is progressing and we have much to be thankful for – a healthy daughter and days full of life.

Still…she’s my baby girl and will always be my baby, no matter how much taller than me she gets. I imagine this is somewhat how my own mami felt as I got older. Of course, it’s only now that I understand.

I sit and watch my daughter and can see how her body is physically changing to prepare for what’s to come in a few years. I see how her personality is solidifying and her beliefs forming. I see the change, little by little, and wonder what change will come next.

Her questions and curiosity show signs of her interests: a little bit of science, math, and the arts. It’s a little scary how close to a perfect mix this is of my husband and I. Will that too change one day? Will she eventually lose her ability to see the small things? Just how much of her will change?

In science, it is said that by merely observing an object, you alter the results of your experiment. I sometimes wonder how much of her I’m changing with each word I say.

Disclosure: This story is sponsored by Hallmark through their Life is a Special Occasion campaign. As always, all stories and opinions are my own. To receive special offers and discounts from Hallmark, sign up for their e-newsletter!

Photo copyright Melanie Edwards & ModernMami.com

As I mentioned in a recent post, my baby girl starts first grade next week! I cannot believe that in just a couple of days, summer will officially be over and school starts again. This school year, my daughter will experience something new – uniforms go into effect at her school for the first time.

Uniforms are welcome in our house, as my husband and I both feel it makes things easier, for the kids and us. I’m used to uniforms also, since I wore them myself from Kindergarten through third grade. Baby girl’s school’s uniform dress code is actually pretty flexible. We’re able to choose from navy, light blue, light yellow and white tops, accompanied by navy or khaki bottoms. Luckily, those colors are not hard to find and during this back to school shopping season, many stores, including Walmart, carry them.

My local Walmart doesn’t actually have uniforms in-store, but they do have a vast back to school apparel section. Though I wasn’t able to buy her uniforms locally, I was able to order uniforms on Walmart.comand take advantage of their free home shipping, which was super convenient!

The uniform selection on Walmart.com offers a variety of tops, pants, shorts, skirts, jumpers, and more. With the $100 budget Walmart gave me, and following the school’s dress code, I was able to purchase the following back to school clothes for my girl:

• 2 belted jumpers
• 2 skorts
• 2 bermuda shorts
• 2 pants
• 6 polo-style shirts

I came real close to the $100, going over by only $0.50 before taxes. Don’t forget that shipping was free and I don’t even have to go to the store, saving me tons of time and my sanity!

Something I really liked is that there were multi-packs available for all the pieces. For example, the shirts came in packs of 2, 3, and 4, and you could choose each shirt’s color to mix and match. That is, I bought one pack of 4 shirts and was able to get one in each required color, as opposed to a pack of all white shirts. The same was true for all the bottoms I purchased too.

I was happy to do our back to school clothes shopping online and had my girl help pick out some of her clothes. This turned out to be a good thing since she was feeling a bit apprehensive about having to wear a uniform. Once she saw the cute skirts and jumpers with pleats and belts, she realized there was nothing to worry about and even said she thought she’d look cute in them!

Have you already started back to school shopping for your kids’ clothing? Do they wear uniforms?

Disclosure: ModernMami.com is a member of the Walmart Moms program, resulting in compensation for this post.

Photos copyright ModernMami™.com

It’s funny how different baby boy is from his big sister, and yet, how alike they also are. They are so alike, in fact, that when baby boy was a few months old, it was just like looking at a photo of baby girl from when she was the same age.

The similarities show up in interesting ways, though, and go beyond the physical. One thing he’s been doing lately is what we call the “pretend I’m sleeping game.” He lays down, pretends to snore (full-on snorting noise), and then sits up looking around the room saying, “Huh? Huh? Huh?” That last part is him pretending to wake up surprised.

His little game is funny, but it’s especially interesting and entertaining to us because his big sister did the exact same thing when she was about his age. And, I mean exactly. She played that game in the very same way and laughed about it just like he does.

To be honest, we’re not even sure where he picked up this game or if he saw someone do it. Baby girl hasn’t done it since she was much younger, so he didn’t learn it from her, for once. He just started doing it one day out of nowhere.

Of course, there are many other things we’ve noticed are the same between our boy and our girl. Some are very obvious and others more hidden. It’s amazing to us how two children can share so much, though they each have very distinct personalities. We’re loving it!

Have you noticed many similarities in your children or are they vastly different?

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Disney Baby. I’ll be joining the Disney Baby blogging team next month, and look forward to sharing these kinds of stories with you over there! Stay tuned for more details!

Photo: Lars Plougmann/Flickr

Baby girl completed Kindergarten last week. Her first year of school is done and over with and I now officially have a first-grader. Wow.

She was pretty sad about finishing up the school year, mostly because she was feeling like she’d miss her teacher and friends. She came home on her last day of school saying, “I want to stay in Kindergarten another year. I don’t want to move to first grade.” I told her that it would all be okay and that we definitely want to move forward in life, not backward. “Progress is good,” I told her. “Why?” she asked.

Her question stumped me for a second. How was I to explain such an abstract concept of progression to a six-year-old?

I decided to compare it to physical growth – hers and that of plants. She had recently learned of a plant’s life cycle, so I knew it would be an easy connection for her. “If a seed doesn’t progress, then it gets stuck as a seed and doesn’t grow into a plant, right? The same goes for you. You want to get bigger, don’t you?” She nodded and I continued to explain that our minds need to grow too. “If not, we’ll get stuck and we’ll never know anything new!”

She seemed to understand this, but still wished she could stay in Kindergarten and learn new things there. I realized no amount of words were going to help my baby girl in that moment, so I gave her what I knew she needed, a hug.

As a woman, I know that sometimes us girls just need a big hug, without words, to help us feel better. It makes little sense to many, except maybe other women. Sometimes we don’t want to make sense of things, or fix the situation. I know exactly what that feels like and yet there I was trying to “fix” my baby girl’s feelings on finishing Kindergarten. The hug I gave her did so much more to help her than any of my words.

With that hug, I immediately felt a release of the worry in her little body. Since that day, she still sometimes mentions she’s going to miss her teacher, but she hasn’t said anything about wanting to stay in Kindergarten. In fact, she’s made statements starting with, “When I’m in first grade…” I guess she’s showing progress after all.

Were your children sad when they finished their first year of school?

Our Disney princess patiently waiting to arrive at Disney’s Animal Kingdom for a night of fun during the Disney Social Media Moms Celebration.

There I was washing dishes at 7:30 in the morning while my kids sat at the dining table eating breakfast. As is customary for my baby girl, she blurts out her random thought of the day with no context beforehand. This time it was, “Mommy, why are there no new Choo-Choo-Souls on Disney Junior?”

I explained that they probably recorded them all a while back and maybe they’re not making new ones anymore. She responded with, “Well, you should talk to Disney Junior about that.”

“Really? I should?”

“Yeah! You’re a blogger! You can tell them.”

And, that’s when I realized that my six-year-old thinks I’m influential. Apparently. Her little brain has a notion that because I own a blog I can then “talk” to Disney Junior and ask them to make new Choo-Choo-Soul episodes. It’s fascinating that she thought of this all on her own. I have never told her anything about using a blog to make suggestions, create change, or anything of the sort.

I took the opportunity to let her know that you don’t need to be a blogger to make suggestions. I told her anyone can make suggestions about TV shows, radio programs, etc. – not just bloggers. In a way I guess this was her first lesson in understanding the “a pen is stronger than a sword” saying. I didn’t tell her the saying, but this conversation was definitely her introduction into understanding the concept of creating change in the world.

In social media, we hear about influence a lot. As bloggers, we are considered influential by the marketing industry, brands, and even amongst ourselves. We claim influence and see our blogs as outlets for using our voice to affect others. Perhaps we affect others by providing ideas, tips, motivational content, and even suggestions on services and products available for you to purchase. Many use their blogs to affect change in other areas, such as causes they are passionate about and philanthropic efforts.

My six-year-old believes that through my blog I can influence Disney Junior to create new episodes of Choo-Choo-Soul. Perhaps she’s on to something. Maybe not that exactly, but maybe this site can affect change somehow, somewhere.

Are you considered influential by your friends and family because of your blog?

Photo: Louise Docker/ Flickr

Last weekend we had a friend of ours visiting from out of town. He has been a good friend of my husband for over 10 years and gets along great with the kids. Baby girl thinks he’s pretty funny and as is true with most people, she loves talking to him, which is fine by us.

Except, there are those times when the adults get to talking and are so heavily involved in their conversation that it’s hard to let the kids participate. When you’re friends with someone for over 10 years, this can be especially true, since you have plenty of memories and inside jokes. You can imagine there were a couple of instances where this happened while our friend was visiting.

The first night our friend visited, as I tucked baby girl into bed, she said, “Mommy, when people visit us or we visit them, I don’t really get to talk a lot.” I responded by reminding her that she did talk quite a bit and that she even played a game with our friend and read a book. I proceeded to tell her that when her dad and I were her age, things were worse. “We weren’t allowed to just come up and talk to the adults like you do. If they talked to us, then we’d respond, but it wasn’t like we just started conversations with them on our own. At least you get to do that!”

This was probably the worst thing I could have said at that moment because she started to cry saying, “That’s just not fair mommy!” I quickly told her that’s just the way it was and those were the rules, but that it’s not her rule. This didn’t help as she continued to cry repeating it wasn’t fair. I finally calmed her down by telling her it was a long time ago and that her daddy and I were over it, so she didn’t have to worry about it.

I left her room laughing, which was the same reaction my husband and our visitor had. It’s funny that even though she’s able to interact with adults in a manner significantly different to how my husband and I did as kids, she found it unnerving we couldn’t.

What is something from your childhood your children found surprising?

Photo by Catherine

ridawesome [rid-aw-suhm]: something really, really cool

Baby girl made up a new word. Ridawesome. It’s a combination of ridiculous and awesome and means something is really, really cool. Like, ridiculously awesome.  Get it?

She found out the way new words are created and added to the dictionary is by becoming popular and used by many. So, in an effort to get her new word used by a large amount of people, she asked me to spread the word here.

I think that’s pretty ridawesome, don’t you?

Photo by Jeff Kubina

Every day when I pick up baby girl from school I ask her the same questions: How was your day? Did you have fun? and What did you guys do? The majority of the time her answer to the last question is a simple, “I don’t really remember.” She can tell me all about what games her and her friends made up during recess and who she talked to while waiting at the car loop, but it takes a lot of digging to find out what they did or talked about in her Kindergarten class. However, fast forward a few days, or even a week, and little snippets of what they’ve done come out in casual conversation.

With Martin Luther King day being celebrated early last week, it wasn’t until the weekend that we were able to find out more about what she learned in class regarding the man behind the holiday. Of course, as is customary for my baby girl, it wasn’t a straight “here’s what the teacher told us” conversation. The information almost always comes out in things she says or does; she also has a habit of surprising me at the most unexpected moments. Here’s a glimpse at a couple of conversations we had over the weekend that were sparked by her class’ discussion of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

No More ‘Whites Only’

“I’m glad the ‘white only’ signs are gone mommy,” she said as she was watching TV and I was changing baby boy’s diaper.

“Me too baby.”

“But, what happened to the babies?”

“What do you mean sweetie?”

“Well, since people with dark skin couldn’t be in the same house as people with white skin, what happened to the babies with dark skin? Did they take them somewhere else?”

“No! They stayed with their parents. If the babies have dark skin, then that means the parents did too, right?”*

“But, what about baby boy and I? You don’t have dark skin, but we do. So, pretend the ‘white only’ signs were still around – what would happen to us?”

“You don’t think I have dark skin?”

“Well, it’s more like tan.”

“Ok. Well, they didn’t separate the babies from their parents, sweetie. They all stayed together in their house. And, actually mama, if we lived back in those days, they would have thought I had dark skin too, just like you.”

“Oh, ok.”

*I realize this statement is not completely true, but I didn’t really want to get into an explanation of genetics with a 6 year old.

Love Drives Out Love

She sat at our dining table drawing a picture as I fed her little brother. When she finished she showed it to me as she normally does.

“What does this say?” I asked her pointing to the words I had already read, but wanted her to explain.

“Love drives out love.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Well, at school they told us that Martin King-”

“Martin Luther King?”

“Yes, Martin Luther King said ‘Hate does not drive out hate, only love does.’”

“Ok. And, do you know what that means?”

“No, no I don’t.”

“You guys didn’t talk about it at school?”

“No.”

“I see. Well, what he was saying was that if someone has hate in their heart, to give them more hate, by being mean or violent, is not going to take that hate away. You have to show them love to take their hate away.”

“Ohhhhh…”

“Do you really get it?”

“I think so.”

“He believed in being peaceful. He didn’t think you could make someone who has hate be better by being violent. You needed to show them love and be peaceful to help them change.”

“Like the people that wanted the ‘white only’ signs!”

“Yes. Exactly.”

“Ok. Well, I was trying to say love brings more love. Love drives out love.”

“I get it. That’s a very nice thought baby girl.”

It always amazes me how much farther her mind takes things. She’ll always have a follow-up question. Or she’ll think of varying scenarios and wonder ‘what if’. She loves to explore and imagine. This is a good thing. It will help her empathize and understand the world better as she grows.

Discussions on race will no doubt continue in our house for a long time. As she learns more and more about this country’s history, she will come home with more questions. It will take a long time for her to fully grasp all that was, all that is, and all that may be. And, that’s ok. I’m still working on it myself.

Top photo by Tim Krepp

A few months ago, one of my aunts was visiting from out of town. She was staying at my mami’s house and they were heading out for a day at a local park since they were bored with staying home. I took the opportunity to tag along so baby girl could have some fun at the park and get to know her Tía better.

Before we left, my Tía changed her clothes, and upon her return from the bedroom, my daughter noticed. Tía asked her, “How do I look?” to which my girl responded, “Good!” My Tía proceeded to pat her belly in that manner we adults often do when we’re indicating we need to lose weight. But, my daughter stared at her blankly. I spoke up and let my aunt know that baby girl had no concept of what she meant. “We don’t really point out things like that at home. She has no clue what you mean by that.”

Before entering her dance class last night, baby girl asked me if they would be able to wear make-up during their upcoming performance. (It’s going to be her first showcase since she started taking lessons.) I told her that no, she would not be able to wear make-up and that make-up is not something little girls wear.

At the end of the dance class, her instructor turned towards the parents and said, “I’m not a believer of putting make-up on babies, so for Saturday’s showcase, there’s no need to put make-up on your girls. They’re beautiful just as they are. You can just leave that stuff for the other studio.”

This morning, baby girl turned the TV on while I finished getting myself ready. I had forgotten that I left it on the food channel last night, which shows infomercials in the early morning. A couple of minutes later, baby girl runs into my room and proceeds to explain to me:

“Mommy, this man found this melon and they take the melon and make it into some type of cream you can then use to make yourself look younger and pretty!” She waves her hand around my face as she says this.

“Really?” I say. “And looking young is what makes you pretty? Would I not be pretty if I looked older?”

“Oh no mami! You always look pretty.”

“Thank you baby. So, why do we need to look younger, then? We’re fine the way we are, aren’t we?”

A bit puzzled, she pauses, thinks, then says, “Yeah!”

“Those people on TV are trying to trick people into thinking they don’t look pretty and thinking they need to look younger so that they can then buy what they’re selling.”

“Yeah, because they want more money!”

“That’s right. They are selling something and they want people to buy it. So, they make people think they really need it and trick them into thinking it will help them be better. But, that’s not what makes people pretty, mama.”

“Make-up?”

Feeling incredibly hypocritical, I said, “Make-up doesn’t make you pretty either, sweetie. It’s just something older women wear when they want to dress up and look a little different. But, it doesn’t make them pretty. In fact, if you wear too much make-up, it can make you look bad and takes away from what you really look like.”

“Ok mommy.”

*************************************

These are some examples of the daily struggle that it is to raise a girl. Regardless of how much emphasis you put on positive self and body image, or if you purposely refrain from showing negative examples (such as patting your belly or other areas of fat), the images make their way into your household and child’s mind in one way or another. Whether it’s another family member, TV, or some other external influence, you still end up having to curb the perceptions created.

When my Tía did what she did, she didn’t think of how her actions would be perceived. She did what many of us do. She pointed out a flaw in her body.

When baby girl’s dance instructor said what he said, I felt like applauding. This was one of the reasons we chose that dance school, because when we researched other ones in the area, many had photos of students in fancy outfits and wearing make-up on the homepage of their website. For us, that was an immediate turn-off. We wanted her to learn the art of dance and provide her with an outlet for socialization besides preschool. We did not want her to be part of a spectacle.

When I explained to my girl that make-up is not what makes you pretty, I had trouble coming up with the right words as to why women (myself included) do wear it. Because, let’s face it, when we put make-up on, we do in fact “feel” prettier.

So, as parents, how do we overcome these perceptions and continue to provide positive examples for our children? How can we curb the outside influences? And as women, how do we avoid sending mixed messages by telling our girls one thing, yet doing another?