At the beginning of this year, I reflected on what I am looking forward to for 2013 and shared some personal goals and planned changes. One of those is to grow my knowledge this year – to read more, learn something new, enhance a skill – something along those lines. You see, I used to have lots of dreams, ambitions, and the energy and drive to do it all. Somehow, in the hustle and bustle of wanting to be a good mom, and be there…I lost that.

My husband has noticed. My family has noticed. And, slowly, I came to the realization myself. I have moments of pure brain mush – where I can’t tap into knowledge I know I once had. I can’t remember how to do the complex math problems I used to do when studying years and years of high-level math and science during my Engineering courses. Heck, I can’t even work in that field now without going back to school. It’s just not there anymore.

That’s just but one example of how I feel I’m no longer the woman I used to be. I know I have goals in mind, but they are not as clearly defined as they once used to be. I know I’m motivated, but it’s not showing in tangible results – at least not in my mind. So, what’s a woman to do? How do I bring my snappy, energetic, ambitious, and intelligent self back?

To be honest, I haven’t quite figured this out yet. I’ve thought about buying myself a study book to revisit topics like math and science, just to give my brain a chance to be stimulated in a different manner. I’ve considered enrolling in some kind of local class or program. There are many options, obviously, but I have yet to narrow down my personal choices and decide what it is that I currently need. I suppose that’s a process in and of itself, right?

I’ll have to work on figuring this out and finding myself again (so to speak). In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you – do you ever find yourself wondering where the woman you were has gone? Do you find that motherhood has, in a way, stripped you of your previous identity?

Original photo: Fabiana/Flickr

This is a sponsored post.

In the eight years that we’ve been married, my husband has customarily been “the breakfast guy.” I’m not much of a breakfast person; my breakfast meals consist primarily of bagels, yogurt, or a bowl of cereal. I rarely eat egg and am not a huge fan of traditional breakfast foods – except for bacon, that I’m good with. Thus, my husband inadvertently took on the role of cooking breakfast the majority of the time since he is actually very much a fan of the meal and could eat pancakes all day long. In all honesty, the man makes better pancakes, and even better eggs, than I do, so I’m happy to have him do it.

Breakfast in bed is, apparently, a tradition for Mother’s Day throughout the nation. I don’t particularly remember doing this for my mami growing up; I’m pretty sure we took her out to eat that day. But, I can say that one of the most fun memories I have of my own Mother’s Day (this year makes only my sixth) is when my baby girl and husband snuck out of the house early in the morning to our local grocery store and bought the necessary items to make me my very own breakfast in bed. The look on my girl’s face alone as she helped carry the plate into my room made the day special.

My breakfast in bed that day was pretty simple and perfect for someone like me who doesn’t normally do a huge breakfast. This year, my husband knows that if he and baby girl decide they want to treat me to a Mother’s Day breakfast in bed, they have some very simple breakfast recipes they can choose from. Here are a few you too can share with your family.

Mother’s Day Simple and Easy Breakfast Recipes for Breakfast in Bed

Bagel Faces for Mom

Ingredients
Package of Bagels
Cream Cheese
Veggies – tomato for a mouth, peppers for eyebrows, cucumbers for eyes, sprouts for hair.

Recipe courtesy of Walmart

Kellogg’s Granola Parfait

Preparation Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 5 minutes
Servings: 2

Ingredients
1 container (8 oz.) low-fat vanilla flavored yogurt
1/2 cup fresh fruit (sliced strawberries, sliced banana, blueberries or raspberries)
1 cup Kellogg’s® Special K® Low Fat Granola

Directions

1. In 2 tall glasses, layer yogurt, fruit and Kellogg’s® Special K® Low Fat Granola until glass is full.
2. Top with extra fruit.
3. Serve immediately.

Recipe courtesy of Kellogg’s

Chocolate Chip Pancakes

Ingredients
2 cups Original Bisquick® mix
1 cup milk
2 eggs
Chocolate morsels

Directions

1. Heat griddle or skillet over medium-high heat or electric griddle to 375°F; grease with cooking spray, vegetable oil or shortening. (Surface is ready when a few drops of water sprinkled on it dance and disappear.)
2. Stir all ingredients until blended. Pour by slightly less than 1/4 cupfuls onto hot griddle.
3. Add chocolate morsels to your liking to each pancake.
4. Cook until edges are dry. Turn; cook until golden.

Recipe adapted from Betty Crocker’s Bisquick® Pancake recipe

I hope you enjoy your Mother’s Day this coming Sunday with your family and hopefully you get to enjoy your very own (simple) breakfast in bed!

What are some quick and easy breakfast recipes you enjoy eating?

Disclosure:  As a member of the Walmart Moms program, I was compensated for this post. As always, all opinions are my own.

When I was in my early 20s, I put it in my mind that I wanted to have a job that would allow me to be available and at home with my future child. That is the reason I chose real estate as my career. Fast forward fifteen years later, I found myself as a single mom when my only son was two years old. Obviously, being divorced was not part of my vision, but the career choice helped me to focus on my main intent which also included being able to pick up my son at school every day.

Little did I know how difficult it would be to balance my life at home with my work when real estate sales meant you are on call at any time of the day including weekends. Luckily, whenever I found myself stressed, I remembered my goal of being with my son whenever I wanted to. That one priority is what helped me to stay grounded and in the flow of enjoying an immeasurable amount of moments that I constantly cherish in my heart.

As the years went by, I was offered opportunities to work in large commercial firms which I know would have led me to more money. Life is constantly presenting us with choices. I sometimes wish I would have made more money at certain points in my life because I would have been more prepared when the economy changed.

Today’s economic environment brings additional challenges to many families who have to reinvent themselves to stay afloat due to job loss. It causes much more stress and uncertainty. I know, because I have had to live this as the sole provider of my household in a field that was first hit in the economy.

That is why it is imperative in these days to stay focused on your own well being so that your children feel secure. I sincerely believe that security from within will eventually lead you to better opportunities. There is a delicate balancing act when faced with anxiety and I can’t say I have all the answers because there were many times when I was ready to pull my hair out.

But then I remembered my focus: enjoying time with my son, laughing with him, instilling values of self worth and strength of character. And you know what? We survived and am proud to say that he is a confident young seventeen year old man ready to take on college this year, spread his wings and look forward to his future.

I have absolutely no regrets of my choice to make nurturing and love a priority because I feel fulfilled in my role as a mother. In hindsight, all the other roles I had to juggle were secondary. The abundant time I spent with him was priceless and more valuable than having a million dollars in my bank account.

So now that I am about to become an empty nester, my greatest pearl of wisdom is to get out of the house when you are ready to go ARGHHHH, stick the kids in the car and go enjoy a moment in the park and always communicate positive affirmations with them. You might be surprised one day, when they replay all those good thoughts back to you when you least expect it, and they end up uplifting YOU. When this happened to me, I guarantee you, I had the biggest smile ever!

Photo courtesy of Blanca Stella

Those who know me well, say that I always seem to be on the run. But I know I’m not the only one. Moms everywhere seem to be scrambling for time and we usually manage to juggle (sometimes, rather successfully) one too many balls in the air.

A glimpse of what we juggle every given day: Carpools, supermarket shopping, school activities, meals for the household, school supplies, our kids social lives, after-school activities, managing the home, setting time aside for our spouses… the list could go and on. And this is EXCLUDING any professional obligations you may have.

The important issue that we tend to forget about is not only the juggling, but the balancing. It’s very easy to let one aspect of your life take over the others. And with women, that usually means forgetting to take care of ourselves.

Don’t you forget about me…

Remember that Simple Minds song? OK, now that you know how old I am, I just want to share some simple tips to not lose yourself while juggling everything else during the adventures of motherhood.

• Don’t feel guilty about doing something for yourself. Nobody else will do it for you.  And look at it this way: it will allow you to release tension. A more relaxed mom, is a happier mom. A happier mom, is a better mom.
• Take care of yourself. Yes, that means taking your vitamins, getting enough rest, eating well.
• Treat your “me” time as an appointment. Sounds too planned? Well, the truth is, IT WORKS.
• Organization is key. Arrange with your spouse or partner or a trusted friend to watch over the little ones for a specific amount of time each week to give you a breather.
• Choose something you’d like to do, not something you need to do: a manicure, coffee with friends, reading a book, even shopping.

When work overwhelms you

Regardless of where you work at, the juggling act seems to throw in more and more balls in the air and if you really pause to think, it can overwhelm you. In these cases, learn to prioritize what’s urgent from what’s not. If everything’s urgent, then something’s really wrong, because something has to be most important in your to do list.

In this era of hyperconnectivity, it can be hard to set limits and boundaries. But just like you need them when raising your kids, you need them to keep your sanity while working and trying to balance your life a bit better. And believe it or not, you are the person that needs to respect those boundaries the most.

For some, it means no smart phones even near the kitchen or dinner table. For others, not taking calls or answering emails in the evening. And I’m assuming you already know that texting and driving don’t mix well. You need to find what works for you. Then, stick to your resolutions.

When family responsibilities drain you

Sometimes it’s the chores and everyday routines that sap out your energy, Again, a little organization and planning goes a long way.

• Decide what really has to be done and don’t get sucked into the non essential stuff.
• Make a schedule for your kids. For younger ones, take pictures of the daily tasks they must do (for example: eat breakfast, brush their teeth, take a bath, got to bed) and decorate together a poster they can look at. For older kids, make a schedule on the computer and print it out for them.
• Buy gifts for birthday parties in advance. If you are always pressed for time, use gift bags and tissue paper instead of wrapping every gift individually. You can even buy in bulk online and save.
• Do a master shopping list on your computer, print several and have them in the kitchen. Check off items as soon as you are running low and that way you’ll avoid multiple trips to the supermarket during the same week.
• Learn to say no. Sometimes that means scheduling less after-school activities, organizing less play dates or not hosting all the family dinners.
• Ask for help. Wonder Woman only exists in a comic book.

Personally, I dream about having my groceries delivered, but have to accept the reality that none of the supermarkets close to my home offer that service. So, I shop once a week and go at odd times when not so many people do their grocery shopping. Sometimes that means right after dropping the kids off for school, other times it’s late in the evening while my husband takes over parenting duties.

You’re in this for the long haul

The juggling act of motherhood is not a one hit wonder. You’re in this adventure for the long haul, and will have better days and not so great days.  Sometimes one of the balls will fall to the floor, or you might get hit on the head by a curve ball. It’s not the end of the world, and those around you will follow your lead on how to react.

So next time something doesn’t work out the way you had planned, try laughing or smiling instead of getting angry or even wanting to cry. A sense of humor works wonders and aside from making you feel a bit better, comic relief is underrated when dealing with your children. So then, aside from juggler extraordinaire, you will tune into the comedian inside of you. After all, there are moments in life that are so utterly absurd, all you can do is laugh if you want to find the strength to keep on going!

My mami is a great mother. She raised three children, along with my father, during a time when there wasn’t as much “help” as there is these days. That is, she never read a parenting book or sought the advice of parenting experts. I’m sure her and her friends shared complaints and some advice with each other, but this probably came in a very informal manner while they had their café y pan.

On top of the generation’s ideals, my mami also started being a mom at a very young age. She basically had to learn it all herself; being a wife, mom, and becoming a woman are all things she learned on the fly. In retrospect, I see now that she essentially lived her life for us. My two brothers and I were her life. Sure, she held some jobs at various points, but never was it a career. She had friends, but that I can remember, they never took the time to have what we now call a girl’s night out. She also didn’t have hobbies.

Fast forward 30 years later, and my mami is now “retired” – from being a mom and from working. Of course, moms are moms until the end. But, all three of her children are married, out of the house, and have children of their own. She provides an entirely different mami role these days. This is the time when she should be enjoying her free life, taking part in various activities, hobbies, and get-togethers. Right? However, because she spent the bulk of her life living for us, I’ve noticed she finds herself in a special place as a woman.

Two reasons, actually, contribute to my mother’s current situation: she’s the caretaker for my father who has dementia, and she didn’t allow herself to be anything but a mom when raising us. In defining herself only as a mom without paying attention to herself, as a woman first, she’s now in the position of not really knowing what to do with herself. Of course, this is my opinion from observing her, but I often see it reflected in her actions and conversations.

It’s a situation I hope never to find myself in. I think I’m on the right track so far. I work full-time, have my own business, travel, and try hard to balance my roles as a mom, wife, and woman. It’s not always easy, as many women will attest. But, after seeing my own mom’s struggles, I believe it’s important. I don’t want to have to depend on being needed by others (my children) in order to be happy. I plan to be happy with my life, my husband, and myself, regardless of where life takes my children.

Because of that, I am content in showing my daughter (and soon my son) that I have my own time where I may do things without her. She sees me working and knows why it’s important. She understands when I need to travel by myself and knows that it’s for work. As she’s said to me when leaving for a conference, “You’re going to go learn with your blogger friends.” Yes, baby girl. I am. And, then I’ll return home and continue to show you how great it is to be a woman with many interests and passions – all while still being a great mom, just like your abuela.

Do you find it difficult to define your role as a woman now that you’re a mom?

Before moving back to the Sunshine State, I worked full-time while my husband served in the US Navy. I had dropped out of college to marry my husband and raise a family. Once my kids started school, I went back to work. It was a good job and I tried to advance, but was repeatedly denied a promotion because I didn’t have a little piece of paper that said I graduated.

It was frustrating because I knew I could do the job, considering I had filled in for the job on a few occasions when illness or emergencies struck.

It was a blow to my ego. And it angered me on several levels.

About a month before we moved back here, my husband generously transferred his Post 9/11 GI Bill to me, so that I could finish something I started 15 years ago. I tried to talk him out of it so he could better himself, but that was like talking to a brick wall. He wanted me to go and finish because he knew I wanted it so badly.

And so, as an adult, I returned to college.

The school I attend is a popular university with military and former military, and I attend a satellite campus in Orlando. I love it. I take one on-line and one on-campus class a week for 8 weeks, and because we have short terms, the classes are long and intense. Seems just about perfect.

And it is, when I am not busy being a full-time mother.

I wonder often if I am the only mother in the world who puts aside work so that I can better myself. There are times I deal with a large amount of guilt when I tell the kids I can’t give them attention because I am busy on a paper, reading, or homework. I know the goal is to get my degree so that I can get a better job and provide more for my family, but I wonder if I am not doing damage to my kids at times. I think many mothers who go back to school experience this, and suffer as much as I do, possibly worse.

I remember my own mother graduating from college when I was a kid. She wasn’t around much. One thing I want to do differently is to actually use my degree after graduation. My mother didn’t and I wonder why she wasted her time, ignoring my brother and I for those years (at least it seemed like it), if she wasn’t going to use the degree to justify the expense and time away from her children. Nothing changed after she graduated; we were still poor and she still worked a low-paying job. I can list, several times over, the things that her money could have been spent on. Food for us for school lunch is just one item on that list.

I don’t want my college completion making an impact on my children in a negative way. I try to counter my times of isolation for study with times spent at a theme park, walking 5K’s with them, or even at the community pool. My children need to know that the hard work I put in and that sacrificing some time with them is going to be worth it in the end. I don’t want them to resent me for my one selfish act, because I will better all of our lives when I’m done.

I believe I will be making Dean’s List after this term, and my goal is to maintain that throughout my college career. I want to inspire them to greatness now, before it’s too late, and they become the procrastinating sloth I was for many years. Part of doing this is proving to my family that you can do things for yourself, for the sake of your family, and still be there for them. I’m hell-bent on not letting them down. As their greatest teacher, I can only teach by example, so it has to be a good example. They will be better off for all the sacrifice on their parts. And that motivates me to do well far beyond anything else.

I want to be the “modern mami” who can do it all and have a thriving family. I just have to keep up the hard work. I hope to be an example to other mothers in the world who feel like they aren’t worth bettering themselves with education. I’m going to come out on the other side of this experience and show the women who have doubts that it can be done, and they will know it’s worth it in the end.

Is inspiration the word? Maybe. I prefer the term “setting a good example,” because sometimes, showing how it can be done is better than simple inspiration.

While reading the memoir of former first female CEO of IBM, Carly Fiorina, Tough Choices, I learned her family philosophy: What you are is God’s gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God. How perfect and sublime. This is something that is written in the souls of driven people. Being one such person, it spoke to me directly as the truth I had been living, though never bothered to put words to. Then as I thought about it more and how it applies to my life, the more it expanded, unfolded, and began to demonstrate exactly the spaces it takes up in my life.

I have always told each of my children that they were gifts to me from God. I do not own them, but I have been charged with the care of these gifts for in time my gifts will leave my side. I have a heart for each of my gifts, that grows with each day and each breath they take. These are the words of love I whisper into their ears from time to time. It is the best way I can manage to explain my love for them. And now with this new revelation, I have discovered that while God has gifted my children their individual talents, temperaments and struggles, I am co-gifter as well. As mother I must bestow my children with as many gifts as possible, so that in turn, that gift to God they create with their lives and selves is that much more expressive of the love that was invested and created.

When I speak to my children in Spanish, the language is not the only gift I give them. The culture that I can filter through to their generation, the awareness of an ancestral presence in their lives and the spiritual beliefs that have cradled me in good times and bad are all the gifts that I pass on to them. Each of my children receives these gifts in a different manner, and as a mother, I must stand back allow them the space to create their own unique gift to God from them. My gift is getting to watch.

All I have to say is that after a very long, very stressful, and very chaotic weekend – for reasons that I cannot share at this time – I had to go and eff it all up even more.

How?

I freaking locked my keys in the car, with my baby girl in her car seat buckled up.

Yea. World’s worst mother right here.

Thankfully the husband was not too far and came to unlock the car. And baby girl is fine. Oh, but those 10 minutes…

And while I managed to “play cool” and not let her see me panicked, so as to not scare her, my baby girl is just too smart for all that.

She looked at my keys on the seat next to her and said, “What’s wrong mommy?”

“Nothing baby.”

“How you gonna get your keys to open the door?”

At which point, I just had to laugh. But, only a little. Right before I walked away…to cry hysterically and kick myself for locking the keys in the car!

Today you will find me posting at the Family Eden blog.

Remember that I’ll be posting for Family Eden every other Wednesday.

Today’s post – Mami Expectations

A teaser:

My mother brainwashed me when she raised me. And, I mean that in a nice way.

You see, through example, she managed to ingrain certain ideals in my head.

I now have what my husband says are high (and false) expectations of myself.

Be sure to leave some comments over there as well.

A few months back, Sheena of the Mommy Daddy Blog posted some results of a study that examined moms by race. In the post, only results of Caucasian and African American moms were included. So, I mentioned to Sheena that it would have been nice to know how Latina moms would have fared in such a study.

It turns out that the original study did include Hispanic moms.

The folks at BSM Media shared the full results with Sheena so that she could forward to me.

Here are some major findings of the study:

• Education and health care were listed as the primary concern  for the majority of all African American, Caucasian and Hispanic mothers. Hispanic moms (67%) responded that employment was another top concern.
• The top three challenges as a mother included saving for the future and the rising cost of food for all respondents. However, Caucasian moms named managing the desires of their children for material things as a challenge (45%), African American moms are battling with affordable housing (35%) and Hispanic moms are feeling challenged by the need for steady income (56%).
• While online, African American mothers are more likely to read articles (68%) and experience music (45%). Caucasian mothers are likely to frequent social networks (45%) and message boards (43%). Blogs were the top choice among Hispanic Moms (55%) followed by social networks (42%).
• When an African American mom catches a rare free moment, she is most likely to read (77%), Caucasian moms are most likely to surf the Internet (77%) and Hispanic moms enjoy spending time with their spouses (78%).
• When asked about their ultimate indulgences, Caucasian moms listed a rich dessert (48%) and a fine bottle of wine (40%) among their top treats. African American moms would rather indulge by sleeping late (60%) or getting away for the weekend (35%). Hispanic moms choose to treat themselves with spa treatments (50%) or long, hot baths (50%).
• Although the majority of all moms have made household adjustments to cope with the family crisis, African American moms are more likely to delay major purchases (57%) and avoid stores to reduce shopping (54%). Caucasian moms are coping by using coupons and discount codes (73%) and driving fewer places to conserve gas (62%). The most popular coping strategy among Hispanic moms is also using coupons (80%) but delaying major purchases is also common (68%).
• Overall, Caucasian and Hispanic moms think marketers are doing a better job in speaking to them than African American moms.

More information on the study can be found at the Marketing to Moms Blog by BSM Media, though their post also doesn’t include the results of Hispanic moms.

Do the results surprise you? Do you find the differences from one race to the other interesting?

Photo by brandysnow