Guest post by Ellie McDermott

With summer at its halfway point, your children or the kids you take care of may already be going stir crazy. Choruses of “I’m bored” and “There’s nothing to do” may be ringing in your ears. You’ve looked forward to summer all year, but are quickly running out of ideas for engaging your kids in these long, unstructured days.

It only takes a bit of planning and creativity to infuse life back into your summer plans! Check out the field trips and at-home activities below to gain new inspiration and make the most of the rest of the summer.

Field Trips

• The Zoo – It’s likely that your children have been to the local zoo many times. On your next trip, create a simple treasure hunt, using clues such as “I’m the tallest animal in the zoo,” in order to engage your children as they enjoy the many members of the animal kingdom.
• The Science Center - Just because it is summer doesn’t mean that your children have to stop learning. A trip to the local science center may spark imagination and creativity. Be sure to have supplies on hand for homemade science projects when you return home!
• The Wading Pool – Some cities have free wading pools at parks throughout the community. Fill a bag with sunscreen, towels, and water toys, check the schedule, and head out on a refreshing outing to a local wading pool. Make sure you know which days and times the wading pool is in operation, or you may be stuck with an empty wading pool and some very disappointed children!
• Free Movies – Ask your local movie theater if it shows free kids’ movies in the morning during summer months. This can be a great chance to escape the summer heat and enjoy a cool morning watching last year’s blockbusters on the big screen once again.
• The Park – Are your children getting tired of walking to the neighborhood park every evening after dinner? Load them up and explore a park in a different part of town.
• The Library – Help your children lose themselves in a world of imagination and creativity through a trip to your local library. Pick up a calendar of events and plan your next trip during a story-time or special event. Many libraries have a summer reading program that readers of all ages can participate in.

At Home Fun

• Baking – Babies can play with measuring cups, little ones can help stir dry ingredients (with the help of a parent!), and older ones can pour ingredients together. Regardless of age, everyone can take part in baking projects. Encourage your children to select a dessert they would like to bake, gather the ingredients, bake it, and enjoy!
• Camping in the Backyard – Your most exciting summer vacation may be entirely free and incredibly local. Sounds pretty good, right? Most children are delighted by the novelty of camping out in their backyard. Create lasting memories by throwing the tent out back, dragging sleeping bags and pillows into it, and telling stories by flashlight.
• Picture Time – Have an old digital or disposable camera lying around the house? Teach your child how to use it and let them capture their favorite summer memories while exploring their artistic abilities. Print the photos and create a summer memory album.
• Picnic Time – Shake things up at lunchtime by eating outside. Either pack a lunch and take it to the park or just take your lunch out back. Kids will be delighted with this new eating locale, and you will be less worried about them making a mess with their watermelon and ice cream sandwiches!
• Lemonade Stand – Cultivate your childrens’ entrepreneurial spirit by helping them create a lemonade stand. Guide them through purchasing supplies, producing the product, and interacting with customers. Explore other products, such as freshly-cut flowers and home-baked goods. Make sure that appropriate adult supervision is present at all times.

There are many forms of discipline and punishment that parents use with their children. In our house, we’ve used the time out method, the just talking method, the redirecting method, and we’ve even yelled at times out of losing our patience. Hey, it happens, right?

But, lately, we’ve come up with a new system for helping our nearly-four year old daughter behave better. Ok, “we” as in the husband came up with the idea and I take half the credit since I use the method. What’s his is mine, isn’t it?

We recently turned our guest room into a play room since we don’t often have guests. (Because she needed just one more space in the house to clutter up.) The reality is that we all wanted a family fun room and wanted her room to be more of a tranquil space for relaxation and rest. So, we now have a play room and because she helped remodel the space, she has taken full ownership of that room. It is – quite frankly – her play room.

Because of that, it has also become the one true thing that she hates to not have. Therefore, we have the following hanging up on the door to that room.

What you see is a dry-erase board with sad faces on it. Normally, there are 3 happy faces on there. It’s sort of like a behavior chart.

How it works:

1. If baby girl does something naughty or doesn’t listen, we give a warning. If she still doesn’t listen, she gets a sad face.
2. After 3 sad faces, we close the door to her playroom.
3. She must earn back her 3 happy faces with good behavior. We try to make the acts equal; that is, if she lost a happy face because of whining, we’re not expecting she clean up her room to earn it back. A smaller act that is comparable will do. On the other hand, if she lost a happy face because she threw a tantrum or disrespected us, then the act to earn it back must be equally as big.
4. Once she earns her 3 happy faces back, she gains access to the playroom again.
5. And the cycle continues.

Why this works:

• She is seeing a visual of her mistakes as well as her achievements.
• My girl needs more than just stickers as an incentive.
• The playroom is a place of her own that she enjoys so it’s a true punishment for it to be taken away versus just being scolded or sitting in time out.

Of course, explanations, warnings, and the “after-talk” is all a part of this to help her understand what happened, why it happened, and how she should act next time.

We’ve really seen it work over the last few months. She even goes through periods of weeks at a time without losing a happy face.

What methods do you use for disciplining your preschooler or toddler?

Baby girl: “Daddy, you need a haircut.”
Husband: “Do I?”
Baby girl: “Yes, but not too much. Just a little off the top. You don’t want to be bald because then people would laugh at you.”
Husband (after some laughter): “Well baby, I don’t really care if people laugh at me. If they laugh at me because I’m bald, then they’re not good people, right?”
Baby girl: “Right.”
Husband (to me): “Man, every conversation these days turns into some great life lesson, doesn’t it?”
Me: “Yeah. sigh…”

And, it’s true. There seems to be no shortage of conversations we’re having with our 4-year-old these days that turns into some greater message or life lesson.

If she says anything about curly hair, there we are reinforcing the idea that “curly hair is so beautiful!” If we’re talking colors, once again, my husband and I pipe in like a PSA ad to say, “Don’t forget black! Black is such a pretty color.”

To some of you, this may seem a bit unnecessary or even extreme. Why do we continually have to say these things? Why not just let her live her little 4-year-old life, right? But, the truth is that when you’re raising a multicultural child, you have to constantly look out for signs and provide the proper message to your kid. She is surrounded by dolls, ads, friends, and other images that are not like her, so it’s up to her father and I to surround her with images and messages that are like her and remind her that she too should be admired.

Photo by Rashod Taylor

And, it’s not just the media we’re up against. Even family members can be culprits – without really recognizing the side effect. Just a few weeks ago, my own mother said, “Ay no! That will make her hair more curly!” when my husband said he wants to braid (corn row) my daughter’s hair. Once again, there we were saying, “There’s nothing wrong with curly hair!” It’s even difficult for me at times, to be sure I’m sending the right message to her. I have to catch myself from saying things like, “I like my hair better straight,” since I don’t want her to perceive that straight is necessarily better.

It can get exhausting at times to always be thinking about what you’re saying/doing/watching and whether or not it will affect your impressionable 4-year-old’s self-esteem. This is even more true if you’re in what’s considered the “minority” group of society.

In a way, though, all of these conversations are also helping me to feel better about my own self. Who knew that by trying to ensure my daughter grows up confident, in turn, I would help myself feel a little more confident in a body I’ve known for 30 years?

Additional thoughts of mine on multiculturalism:

• Brown is Not Enough
• Barbie Dolls and Columbus Day. What’s the Connection?

Though it’s been a few weeks (month?),  I’m sure you’ve heard of the news regarding Miley Cyrus and the so-called “lap dance” video. If you haven’t seen the video, you can see it here. Things like “bad role model,” “did they have sex,” and “another bad move” are all being said about Miley Cyrus and the video.

When I first heard that there was a “lap dance” video out, my curiosity got the best of me and I looked it up. I was half-expecting Miley to be doing a mini strip-tease for some guy. Instead, I just saw a teenage girl dancing. And, my first reaction was not what you might expect. It was instead, “what’s the big deal?” Now, you might not agree and that is fine. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion. But, let me share why I think this is being blown out of proportion:

• She’s 17…not 10. Actually, at the time the video was shot, she was 16.
• She’s dancing at a club. This is not a music video for one of her songs or some other piece of promotional material. It was a private moment.
• Dancing like the one they are doing in the video is standard. At least nowadays – actually, it’s been around for many many years. Heck, I did it when I was even younger than 16!
• Just because they’re dancing close, doesn’t mean they automatically had sex.
• Parents need to stop worrying about Miley Cyrus’ “bad” moves. Instead they should just be sure their kids don’t watch the video and/or use it as an opportunity to talk with them about it and whether or not it aligns with their family values.

I have a daughter. She’s 4. I get it. You don’t want negative images influencing your kids. I even wrote about how at this time, Hannah Montana doesn’t belong in our house – maybe in a few years. But, do you really think that it’s Miley Cyrus’ responsibility to ensure your kid is not influenced? Is she not allowed to have her own fun and be a teenager…just because she’s a public figure?

How about if we stop worrying about other kids? Instead let’s make sure that we talk with our kids and become their personal role models.

Have you watched the video? What was your initial reaction?

Note: If you are an e-mail or rss subscriber, please click the post title to see the video.

Continuing the conversation about nurturing and attentive fathers, today we’re going to celebrate those special men in our lives. Happy Father’s Day to my own baby-daddy and to all the wonderful, attentive, supportive, and all-around great fathers out there!

I’ll let some other women gush about their special men. Enjoy.

I can’t say I purposely chose a good father for my children. I was 22 when I married, 23 when my first daughter was born. My girls are now 4 and 9 months old and I can confidently say that they have lucked out in the father department. My husband Sasha is hands on. Every morning he wakes up with both of them to let me sleep in until the last possible minute. From the comfort of my warm bed I hear them playing, eating breakfast, I hear him doing his best to make my fashion specific preschooler happy with the outfit choices he picks out, I hear him soothe my pre-walker when she falls. These sounds are like music to me. My girls have their own special relationship with their dad and that brings me joy. When he reads my oldest daughter her bedtime stories and falls asleep beside her in her pink plastic monstrosity of a bed, I often just let them be and snap a photo for my memory bank. It’ll be years before they realize how blessed they are to have a dad that loves them enough to be there for them and smother them with attention but I know one day they will. Happy Father’s Day, Sasha!

~Bunmi Zalob, The Women of Chestnut Street

My husband is one of the best dads in the world. He is in charge of the sleep routine of our two active boys and reads, prays, and teaches them something new every night. He likes to be sure our two angels go to bed knowing how loved they are. I love to see them playing together – it’s like I have 3 kids instead of 2! I’m so proud of him; every day I think about how blessed I am to have such a loving, supporting husband and amazingly involved daddy.

~Silvia, Mama Latina Tips

As far as fathers go, I didn’t grow up with a great one. My father believed that by providing food and shelter he was fulfilling his obligations. Culturally, we were told that the love and emotional support and affection came from the mother, not the father. The father wasn’t the one that ran to you when you were hurt or needed help with homework, or cared for you when you were sick or crying.

Imagine my surprise every single day, as I watch my husband Travis in his role as father. He is a provider, as my father was, but he is also incredibly nurturing and affectionate. From day one, he has been completely hands on and involved. He is gentle, caring, patient, and loving. When I find that I can’t do any more because I am tired or frustrated, or both, he takes over. We talk a lot about the love of a mother for her child, but I have to say, the love my husband has for his children, all three of them, is something I am often both enviable and proud of.

If there has ever been a true example of what a man is, it is my husband with his children. He is our shelter, our rock, our comforter, our joy. We look up to him for so much and he never falters.

My children are truly lucky to have him as a Dad.

~Carol Cain, The Adventures of a NY City Mama

Let’s hear some more great stories! Share with us all about the wonderful father of your children.

My husband is a very attentive father – always has been since our daughter was born. He is known for making up silly songs and stories with our 4 year old. He’s also not afraid to don a fancy feather boa and tiara – whether attending a tea party or just playing dress-up. He also takes good care of our daughter and I can always trust that if I’m away, she’s in good hands.

Now, this may sound like nothing out of the ordinary to you. He’s her father. Of course, he should be attentive and caring, right? While I agree, it seems to be something that surprises many friends and family members. My mother has often been told, “Your son-in-law is a really caring father, isn’t he? So-and-so’s husband doesn’t play with their kids like that!” They are surprised to see a father doing, well, what a father is supposed to be doing – playing, talking, and interacting with his kid.

Apparently, not many men do this with their kids? Or perhaps, only the men in my immediate circle of close friends and family? Maybe it’s just a cultural thing?

I know that growing up our father was very much a provider. He made sure our family was taken care of, but I don’t really remember him playing with me. My papi is the definition of an old-fashioned Puerto Rican man and to this day I am not able to talk freely with him – with the exception of finances. Finances was something he made sure to teach me. How to balance a checkbook? He was all over that. Talking boyfriends? Eh…you better go talk to your mom.

On the contrary, I can see my baby girl being fully comfortable in sharing information with her daddy about her first period or boy trouble. At least, I hope their closeness remains through those years and that regardless of how he may feel, she’ll be able to come to him as much as me.

But, in these early preschool years, I’m baffled as to why my husband’s fatherly behavior is perceived to be so rare. Why are so many women surprised to see him go beyond the “goofy-dad” role and see him actually nurturing, caring, and tending to her?

Do you find that men you know are hands-on fathers or play more of a supportive background role?

Photo provided to Melanie by Mariana

Whether you’re a happy homemaker or you work at an outside job, chances are good that integrating fun and educational activities into your child’s day has become something of a thorn in your side. There’s no shame in admitting that it’s difficult to constantly invent new and exciting ways to entertain your kids. After all, they have a lot more stamina than you and it sometimes seems like “why” is the only word they know. But they are like little sponges sucking up information and you want to encourage them to pursue as much knowledge as possible while they’re primed for learning. So here are a few tricks to keep you going when it seems like you’ve exhausted every idea.

1. Try activities outside the house. For example, museums and zoos are a great place for kids to experience a new environment, and it can be a nice break for you. Let someone else do the teaching. Petting zoos offer interaction for your child while a natural history museum can spark their interest in dinosaurs, insects, or things that go bump in the night (overnight adventures!). And almost all types of museums offer activities for kids. You can also look into activities and outings offered at a local community center. A hike or picnic with other moms could help your children acclimate to other kids (as well as offer you a chance at some adult conversation). And guided hikes specifically catering to kids will often include education on indigenous animals and local flora and fauna.
2. Look for early learning classes. In addition to mommy and me type classes you may want to check out the YMCA or local community center for lessons in music and art, or physical activities like karate and swimming for all ages. Even at a young age, your child can begin to learn skills that will stay with them for the rest of their lives. And maybe you can squeeze in a little nap!
3. Check out the Internet. If arts and crafts is your thing, but your kids refuse to make one more macaroni painting, look for some other options online. There are a multitude of websites dedicated to activities that will work on both your child’s motor skills and expand their creativity. And most of them are easy enough even for parents who claim to lack a creative bone in their body.

Like many aspects of parenting, there is absolutely no reason you have to do it on your own. We all want to be super-mom, but who needs that kind of pressure? Don’t hesitate to take a helping hand. While you benefit from a much-needed break, your kids will enjoy avenues of learning that you may not have been able to provide on your own, and really, a well-rounded education is worth the effort.

Growing up, I never participated in extra-curricular activities such as dance class, little league sports, or anything of the sort. While my friends were off learning ballet, tap, and jazz, I was at home. Doing homework. Or maybe chores. It’s not something I ever got to experience as a child.

I try hard not to live vicariously through my daughter. I want to enroll her in all kinds of classes. Thankfully (in this case), we haven’t had the opportunity to sign her up just yet. I say thankfully, because I fear she’d be in way more classes than any preschooler should ever be in at one time.

So far, my list of activities I’d like for her to do include:

• ballet
• African dance
• Latin dance
• soccer
• karate
• gymnastics

They’re all activities that my baby girl would LOVE. She loves to dance, loves to pretend she’s a ballerina, and loves to run around. She is at a prime age for trying out fun things and actually has the energy to do so.

The problem? Well, obviously money is a factor. These things can get pretty expensive. There’s also a high chance of overwhelming her (and us) by signing her up for too many activities at a time. And, there’s also the time issue, of course. We sure would be spending a lot of time driving from one class to the other. Though, I could use the opportunity to gain some me time. (Kidding!)

Are your kids enrolled in any classes, activities, or sports? At what age did you first enroll them? Did you set a limit to how many activities they’d be a part of? Let’s open it up for discussion in the comments and see what everyone thinks.

It’s funny how the world sometimes reaches out to you. I’m not normally one to go around “looking for signs,” but sometimes you just can’t miss them.

Two months ago, I wrote about how brown dolls are not enough and we need more multicultural dolls.

This weekend, I came across an article titled Mattel introduces black Barbies. Introduces? It seemed odd since there have been black Barbies in the brand for a while. But, as the article’s opening line states, the So in Style dolls are “…a new line of black Barbie dolls with fuller lips, a wider nose and more pronounced cheek bones — a far cry from Christie, Barbie’s black friend who debuted in the 1960s and was essentially a white doll painted brown.”

Facial features. Going beyond just painting dolls brown. Finally!

The last connecting dot in all this is that the dolls’ designer, Stacey McBride-Irby, was just at the Blogalicious 2009 conference held this past weekend. So here I am on Monday, reading some of the conference recaps and the #blogalicious tweets and find myself circling back to the article I just read. And back to thinking about my baby girl and how she just might have a chance at seeing things differently growing up.

All of this on a day where part of the world celebrates and the other part watches Reconsider Columbus Day and nods their head in agreement.

It is encouraging to see that my baby girl will have dolls in her likeness to play with. And though I agree with the critique that the Barbie So in Style dolls have mostly long straight hair, I also see that there’s a huge improvement over the dolls I played with. Side note: two of the dolls do have short, curly hair, so I can see that it was given some thought. And my husband also pointed out just what the dolls’ designer had in mind – little girls love to comb their doll’s hair.

It is also encouraging to think that my daughter may not have to celebrate Columbus Day, but instead might have a chance at real education on the subject of Columbus and the history behind him “discovering” America. That is, in school, and not just supplemental education provided by my husband and I.

Most wouldn’t even connect these two. Dolls and Columbus day? But, the world calls out sometimes in a funny way and your mind connects the dots in an even more interesting manner.

So here I am. Feeling optimistic that my multicultural and bilingual daughter will be able to embrace both sides of her family, both cultures, and be loved by all as the Black and Latina woman she will become.

Watch these videos and consider the following questions:

• Why haven’t I seen any commercials for the dolls? The article was the first time I heard about them.
• Why haven’t I seen them in the stores? I was *just* in the Barbie aisle the other day at Target looking for a present for a birthday party we were attending Saturday. I do not remember seeing these dolls.
  • Edited 10/13/09: Ok, I went into a Target again last night and did see a few of the dolls.
• What will I teach my child(ren) about Christopher Columbus?

Reconsider Columbus Day

Barbie So-In-Style Dolls Friends Of Barbie Meet The Designer Part One

I hate that nowadays the hot phrase in our house is “You’re wasting time baby girl.” For one reason or another it’s always, “Eat faster,” or “Don’t take too long,” or “You have 5 minutes.” We’re often talking about time somehow or another.

But, it’s necessary. Life dictates it to be so.

I HAVE to be at work at a certain time. Which means she HAS to be to preschool at a certain time. And that means we have to leave the house at a certain time in order to avoid the bulk of traffic.

One must follow the other. And if one part falls behind by even one minute, the entire schedule is thrown off.

Now, I realize that teaching her a sense of time and that she can’t take forever to do something is a good thing. It’s not like she won’t have to follow a schedule when she starts school. So in a sense, I know that providing some very basic time management skills early on will do her good later.

But, it still sucks to hear yourself say “hurry” in a variety of ways so often. Especially when I just want to allow her to run and play freely without such a heavy sense of responsibility at the age of three.

So, I turn to you. My very own parenting experts.

What eases your morning and evening routines so that everything flows smoothly and right on schedule?