Growing up, I never participated in extra-curricular activities such as dance class, little league sports, or anything of the sort. While my friends were off learning ballet, tap, and jazz, I was at home. Doing homework. Or maybe chores. It’s not something I ever got to experience as a child.

I try hard not to live vicariously through my daughter. I want to enroll her in all kinds of classes. Thankfully (in this case), we haven’t had the opportunity to sign her up just yet. I say thankfully, because I fear she’d be in way more classes than any preschooler should ever be in at one time.

So far, my list of activities I’d like for her to do include:

• ballet
• African dance
• Latin dance
• soccer
• karate
• gymnastics

They’re all activities that my baby girl would LOVE. She loves to dance, loves to pretend she’s a ballerina, and loves to run around. She is at a prime age for trying out fun things and actually has the energy to do so.

The problem? Well, obviously money is a factor. These things can get pretty expensive. There’s also a high chance of overwhelming her (and us) by signing her up for too many activities at a time. And, there’s also the time issue, of course. We sure would be spending a lot of time driving from one class to the other. Though, I could use the opportunity to gain some me time. (Kidding!)

Are your kids enrolled in any classes, activities, or sports? At what age did you first enroll them? Did you set a limit to how many activities they’d be a part of? Let’s open it up for discussion in the comments and see what everyone thinks.

It’s funny how the world sometimes reaches out to you. I’m not normally one to go around “looking for signs,” but sometimes you just can’t miss them.

Two months ago, I wrote about how brown dolls are not enough and we need more multicultural dolls.

This weekend, I came across an article titled Mattel introduces black Barbies. Introduces? It seemed odd since there have been black Barbies in the brand for a while. But, as the article’s opening line states, the So in Style dolls are “…a new line of black Barbie dolls with fuller lips, a wider nose and more pronounced cheek bones — a far cry from Christie, Barbie’s black friend who debuted in the 1960s and was essentially a white doll painted brown.”

Facial features. Going beyond just painting dolls brown. Finally!

The last connecting dot in all this is that the dolls’ designer, Stacey McBride-Irby, was just at the Blogalicious 2009 conference held this past weekend. So here I am on Monday, reading some of the conference recaps and the #blogalicious tweets and find myself circling back to the article I just read. And back to thinking about my baby girl and how she just might have a chance at seeing things differently growing up.

All of this on a day where part of the world celebrates and the other part watches Reconsider Columbus Day and nods their head in agreement.

It is encouraging to see that my baby girl will have dolls in her likeness to play with. And though I agree with the critique that the Barbie So in Style dolls have mostly long straight hair, I also see that there’s a huge improvement over the dolls I played with. Side note: two of the dolls do have short, curly hair, so I can see that it was given some thought. And my husband also pointed out just what the dolls’ designer had in mind – little girls love to comb their doll’s hair.

It is also encouraging to think that my daughter may not have to celebrate Columbus Day, but instead might have a chance at real education on the subject of Columbus and the history behind him “discovering” America. That is, in school, and not just supplemental education provided by my husband and I.

Most wouldn’t even connect these two. Dolls and Columbus day? But, the world calls out sometimes in a funny way and your mind connects the dots in an even more interesting manner.

So here I am. Feeling optimistic that my multicultural and bilingual daughter will be able to embrace both sides of her family, both cultures, and be loved by all as the Black and Latina woman she will become.

Watch these videos and consider the following questions:

• Why haven’t I seen any commercials for the dolls? The article was the first time I heard about them.
• Why haven’t I seen them in the stores? I was *just* in the Barbie aisle the other day at Target looking for a present for a birthday party we were attending Saturday. I do not remember seeing these dolls.
  • Edited 10/13/09: Ok, I went into a Target again last night and did see a few of the dolls.
• What will I teach my child(ren) about Christopher Columbus?

Reconsider Columbus Day

Barbie So-In-Style Dolls Friends Of Barbie Meet The Designer Part One

I hate that nowadays the hot phrase in our house is “You’re wasting time baby girl.” For one reason or another it’s always, “Eat faster,” or “Don’t take too long,” or “You have 5 minutes.” We’re often talking about time somehow or another.

But, it’s necessary. Life dictates it to be so.

I HAVE to be at work at a certain time. Which means she HAS to be to preschool at a certain time. And that means we have to leave the house at a certain time in order to avoid the bulk of traffic.

One must follow the other. And if one part falls behind by even one minute, the entire schedule is thrown off.

Now, I realize that teaching her a sense of time and that she can’t take forever to do something is a good thing. It’s not like she won’t have to follow a schedule when she starts school. So in a sense, I know that providing some very basic time management skills early on will do her good later.

But, it still sucks to hear yourself say “hurry” in a variety of ways so often. Especially when I just want to allow her to run and play freely without such a heavy sense of responsibility at the age of three.

So, I turn to you. My very own parenting experts.

What eases your morning and evening routines so that everything flows smoothly and right on schedule?

My daughter is 3. THREE!!! She does not need to know about Hannah Montana.

So, why does everyone and their mom think that it’s prime time my daughter be introduced to her?

Is this not a TV show for tween/teenage girls? I’ve seen it a couple of times and it’s definitely geared for girls 10 and up in my opinion. Lots of boy talk and jokes that are obviously meant for teenagers (and parents in some cases). And is there kissing? Not sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

So why oh why does my three year old need to even know that name?

She doesn’t.

Stop trying to give my three year old a Hannah Montana sticker. Or underwear. Or toy.

And stop asking me if she watches the show! You’ll get a quick, short, and loud NO! In fact, I might even turn it around on you and ask YOU why YOUR preschooler watches the show.

WHY INDEED???

I can’t imagine why little girls are introduced to make-up, nail polish, or such TV shows at such a young age, and then folks wonder why they want to act, dress, and look the same way when they are just a few years older. Then it becomes a problem?

I know I cannot keep my daughter away from Hannah Montana forever, or whomever it might be in a few years. It’s all over the place and it will be impossible to shield her. Nor do I want to “shield” her necessarily. I’d rather teach her than hide it from her.

But, for now…when she’s only three and I CAN control what she watches, what she wears, and who she listens to…believe me, I’m shielding her.

Hannah Montana will not be in our house. Or any of her similarly-acting sisters. Not for the next few years.

And, I’m about to throw away that stupid sticker she got from the urgent clinic.

I’ve been thinking about something for the past few weeks that has just been eating me up inside. And after attending BlogHer 09 and sitting in on the Women of Color session PLUS having lunch with a group of lovely women of color, it’s been on my mind even more.

Why is it so hard to find dolls that my daughter can identify with? Dolls that she can look at and recognize that they look something like her?

And why is it that when you do find a doll that is “brown” that’s all she is? It irks me to no end that the same freaking doll is just painted a different color and BAM! We suddenly offer “multicultural” dolls! Yay for us!

No. That’s not enough.

Where are the rest of the defining features? The hair? Facial features? It’s more than just the skin color that’s different.

Right as I’m thinking about all this, I come across a link to this post: Her Name Is Orange Blossom, Dammit.

And, well, I left the longest comment I think I’ve ever left on a blog post. It’s worth repeating.

A few things, in no specific order other than the randomness in which they come out of my brain:

- Not just African American moms deal with this. Anyone whose image is not portrayed.

- “…trying to assure our daughters that their chocolate skin and kinky hair and wide noses and thick lips and curvy bodies are beautiful and relevant too…” And yet even THIS we cannot achieve because the “brown” dolls out there are just that. Brown. They just overlay the color over the same model doll they use for the white-skin dolls and there is no representation of other defining features. The brown dolls have the same hair and same look as the other dolls, and really…don’t our girls deserve more?

- I cannot believe the rep didn’t know her name.

- Did you get the bag at BlogHer ‘09? The one with the DVD in it? We just watched it the other night. Guess what? The Orange Blossom character in that movie looks NOTHING like the picture you have in your post. She also looks A LOT LIGHTER than the doll itself. (I got the much coveted Orange Blossom doll at BlogHer.) But, yea, the cartoon version in that DVD…she’s barely got a tan on her. They didn’t.even.try.

Sorry. I guess I had a lot to say and just came across your post at the right time cause I’ve been thinking about all this for the past few weeks.

I know that most dolls out there aren’t exactly made in the image of any little girl. Their bodies are disproportionate and don’t look anything like our girls. I get that. But, imagine having another layer on top of that.

Raising multicultural children is hard enough. Do I really have to fight every step of the way?

Fine. So be it. My daughter’s worth it.

There is this thing in the Latino culture where your parents, or other relatives, will often say “terms of endearment” that if were said in the English language would be down-right insulting and offensive.

Examples:

SpanglishBaby just posted this past week about this issue. It was part of their Ask an Expert series and a reader asked, “Will my daughter be hurt by “negative” Spanish terms of endearment?” She wrote:

“My four month old son is easily entertained and smiles instantly at one’s playful interactions. However, my 22 month old daughter will not be playful until she feels comfortable with someone…The other day he told her (in a playful manner) ‘tu hermano es más bonito que tú porque el se ríe’.”

Translation? “Your brother is prettier than you because he smiles.”

I’ve never really given any of this much thought, but could certainly relate to the reader’s remarks and question. I experienced this myself and have many times been called “gorda” and “negrita“. You somehow get used to it I guess. Did growing up hearing such comments affect me? I have no clue honestly. My lack of confidence at times may partly be because of that or a myriad of other things that have happened in my life. Who knows.

In reality, no harm is meant when people say such things. It’s always in a playful manner and said “with love.” Growing up around it and in that culture, you know that to be true. But, now that I have a daughter and enough negative images out there to compete with, I’m certainly more aware of how hearing such things could cause some harm.

I’m not normally one to be overly cautious of how I say things. My husband, his family, my family, and our friends, all pretty much joke in the same manner and don’t hold back. It’s just known that you have to take the jokes to survive in our circle. In fact, if we don’t make fun of you, we probably don’t like you. This probably seems backwards, but the fact is that energy is spent on those we care for.

But, I think with our daughter, there will be a very distinct line between jokes and jokes that involve self-image. In today’s society, and with the culture she’s growing up in, it’s something my husband and I have to really consider.

My favorite part of the expert’s advice to the reader who posed the question:

“When your children are older and better able to understand what is being said, the terms will provide you with an excellent “teachable moment” for discussing cross-cultural communication, which is one of the 21st century skills necessary for success in the global economy!“

Discussing cultural differences and how she should understand and even embrace many of them, is something that I strive to teach my daughter.

Any thoughts? Did you grow up hearing “terms of endearment” that were more hurtful than loving?

Photo credit: Loligallardo

A few of my co-workers are former teachers. Specifically, they were elementary school teachers, so I often seek their advice on how to teach my daughter certain things and be sure I’ve got her on the right track for when she starts pre-K or school.

One of them said something to me that has stuck with me and randomly pops into my head quite often. She said I should talk to my kid. Which seems pretty obvious – “Of course I talk to my kid!” She said I’d be surprised how many parents she met that didn’t actually talk with their kids and thus, it hindered their kids’ language and vocabulary development.

I’ve thought about this over and over. And like I said, it often pops up in my head – when I’m talking to my daughter, when I get frustrated with her, or just when I’m driving and lost in thought.

Do I really talk to my daughter?

It’s so easy to get caught up in the everyday routines and minor details of our daily tasks, that we can easily forget to actually stop for a second and talk with our kids. And when your kid is a preschooler/toddler and her conversations primarily consist of imaginary friends, thought-up scenarios, or lots of “Why?” questions, it can be really easy to haphazardly listen, let alone talk back.

But, you know what I’ve found? When I actually engage myself in the conversation with her and keep calm, she has some truly wonderful ideas in that little head of hers. She’s an inspiring, creative, inquisitive, and imaginative child. All great qualities that I actually envy.

I don’t want to crush that! I don’t want her to think no one will listen. Or that she shouldn’t be curious and question. Especially since she’s a girl. I want to encourage her to think freely and if that also helps promote the development of her vocabulary, her language skills, and even her reading skills, then even better.

After all, I imagine that once she hits those preteen or teenage years, she won’t WANT to talk to me. I need to appreciate what I have while I still have it.

So, parents, talk to your children. And not in the “Don’t do that!” “Go clean up!” and “I said NO!” way. But, in the actually have a conversation with them way. You’d be amazed to hear what your child might actually have to say.

Join me, won’t you?

My daughter is three. As a preschooler, she loves to “read” and loves for us to read to her. She received a Leapfrog Tag system from her tio for Christmas and uses it on an almost daily basis. That is how she can “read” a book to us.

But, she can also take a regular book and either tell us the story from memory or a lot of times she’ll just make up her own story with the pictures. I’ve heard these are all good things for learning to read. So, I take it we’re on the right track.

Now, how do we take it to another level?

Well, I’m no teacher, so I don’t magically have the answer. Luckily for me, though, there are plenty of resources out there for parents like you and me to learn more about how to help our kids learn to read and develop their language skills.

5 Reading Resources for Parents

1. Scholastic Parents: Books & Reading – Provides information by age bracket, a newsletter, and articles.
2. PBS Parents Reading & Language – Also provides information by age, articles, and some quick tips. There’s also the PBS shop that has products for parents.
3. Reading Rockets: For Families – This site has articles and information with tips on reading with your kid, as well as for recognizing when there might be issues in reading (for older kids obviously). They also have a facebook page if you want to connect with them.
4. Literactive – You can get more than just information on this site. They provide activities and worksheets that you can use with your child.
5. U.S. DOE Free Publications – I’ve linked to the Top 10 publications from the Department of Education with the first 4 listed being information on how parents can help their kids get ready or learn to read. They’re divided by age level.

These are great for all parents, but also good for those home-schooling parents out there. And, there’s so many more sites out there!

If you want, you can browse all the sites I’ve bookmarked on delicious and tagged with reading.

What methods have you found work for helping your child learn to read?

Lately, my three year old has taken to repeating a phrase that is like nails on a chalkboard every time I hear it.

“It’s not fair!”

There are variations to this phrase, as well.

“But mooom….it’s not fair!”

“It’s not fair, mommy!”

“But, but, but…it’s not fair!”

Any way it’s said, you’d think I had a teenager in the house, not a toddler.

Apparently, life is rough for three year olds.

I’m not sure where exactly she picked up the phrase, since it’s not something commonly said in our house.

But, curse whoever or whatever introduced it into her vocabulary.

Oh, in case you’re wondering, these are my many ways of being unfair:

• I feed her.
• I give her a bath.
• I clean up the craptacular mess in the pamper she refuses to let go of yet.
• Oh, wait, I even play with her.

The horror!

Like I said, it’s a hard knock life for three year olds.

My baby girl is about to turn 3.

Oops! Sorry. She’s not a baby. She’s a girl.

Little miss diva princess will quickly let you know.

We’re having her birthday party this Saturday.

I let her pick the theme.

She chose Cinderella.

Of course.

Cause the generic Princess theme at Party City wasn’t good enough for her.

Oh no. It had to be Cinderella.

And so Lil’ Miss Princess Girl (remember NOT a baby) will be Cinderella and have her Cinderella princess party.

Did I say princess enough times?

Princess Princess Princess.

There.

What would this party have been like if I had a 3 year old boy?

Different, I bet.

Photo Credit: substitute mommy