Before moving back to the Sunshine State, I worked full-time while my husband served in the US Navy. I had dropped out of college to marry my husband and raise a family. Once my kids started school, I went back to work. It was a good job and I tried to advance, but was repeatedly denied a promotion because I didn’t have a little piece of paper that said I graduated.

It was frustrating because I knew I could do the job, considering I had filled in for the job on a few occasions when illness or emergencies struck.

It was a blow to my ego. And it angered me on several levels.

About a month before we moved back here, my husband generously transferred his Post 9/11 GI Bill to me, so that I could finish something I started 15 years ago. I tried to talk him out of it so he could better himself, but that was like talking to a brick wall. He wanted me to go and finish because he knew I wanted it so badly.

And so, as an adult, I returned to college.

The school I attend is a popular university with military and former military, and I attend a satellite campus in Orlando. I love it. I take one on-line and one on-campus class a week for 8 weeks, and because we have short terms, the classes are long and intense. Seems just about perfect.

And it is, when I am not busy being a full-time mother.

I wonder often if I am the only mother in the world who puts aside work so that I can better myself. There are times I deal with a large amount of guilt when I tell the kids I can’t give them attention because I am busy on a paper, reading, or homework. I know the goal is to get my degree so that I can get a better job and provide more for my family, but I wonder if I am not doing damage to my kids at times. I think many mothers who go back to school experience this, and suffer as much as I do, possibly worse.

I remember my own mother graduating from college when I was a kid. She wasn’t around much. One thing I want to do differently is to actually use my degree after graduation. My mother didn’t and I wonder why she wasted her time, ignoring my brother and I for those years (at least it seemed like it), if she wasn’t going to use the degree to justify the expense and time away from her children. Nothing changed after she graduated; we were still poor and she still worked a low-paying job. I can list, several times over, the things that her money could have been spent on. Food for us for school lunch is just one item on that list.

I don’t want my college completion making an impact on my children in a negative way. I try to counter my times of isolation for study with times spent at a theme park, walking 5K’s with them, or even at the community pool. My children need to know that the hard work I put in and that sacrificing some time with them is going to be worth it in the end. I don’t want them to resent me for my one selfish act, because I will better all of our lives when I’m done.

I believe I will be making Dean’s List after this term, and my goal is to maintain that throughout my college career. I want to inspire them to greatness now, before it’s too late, and they become the procrastinating sloth I was for many years. Part of doing this is proving to my family that you can do things for yourself, for the sake of your family, and still be there for them. I’m hell-bent on not letting them down. As their greatest teacher, I can only teach by example, so it has to be a good example. They will be better off for all the sacrifice on their parts. And that motivates me to do well far beyond anything else.

I want to be the “modern mami” who can do it all and have a thriving family. I just have to keep up the hard work. I hope to be an example to other mothers in the world who feel like they aren’t worth bettering themselves with education. I’m going to come out on the other side of this experience and show the women who have doubts that it can be done, and they will know it’s worth it in the end.

Is inspiration the word? Maybe. I prefer the term “setting a good example,” because sometimes, showing how it can be done is better than simple inspiration.

While reading the memoir of former first female CEO of IBM, Carly Fiorina, Tough Choices, I learned her family philosophy: What you are is God’s gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift to God. How perfect and sublime. This is something that is written in the souls of driven people. Being one such person, it spoke to me directly as the truth I had been living, though never bothered to put words to. Then as I thought about it more and how it applies to my life, the more it expanded, unfolded, and began to demonstrate exactly the spaces it takes up in my life.

I have always told each of my children that they were gifts to me from God. I do not own them, but I have been charged with the care of these gifts for in time my gifts will leave my side. I have a heart for each of my gifts, that grows with each day and each breath they take. These are the words of love I whisper into their ears from time to time. It is the best way I can manage to explain my love for them. And now with this new revelation, I have discovered that while God has gifted my children their individual talents, temperaments and struggles, I am co-gifter as well. As mother I must bestow my children with as many gifts as possible, so that in turn, that gift to God they create with their lives and selves is that much more expressive of the love that was invested and created.

When I speak to my children in Spanish, the language is not the only gift I give them. The culture that I can filter through to their generation, the awareness of an ancestral presence in their lives and the spiritual beliefs that have cradled me in good times and bad are all the gifts that I pass on to them. Each of my children receives these gifts in a different manner, and as a mother, I must stand back allow them the space to create their own unique gift to God from them. My gift is getting to watch.

All I have to say is that after a very long, very stressful, and very chaotic weekend – for reasons that I cannot share at this time – I had to go and eff it all up even more.

How?

I freaking locked my keys in the car, with my baby girl in her car seat buckled up.

Yea. World’s worst mother right here.

Thankfully the husband was not too far and came to unlock the car. And baby girl is fine. Oh, but those 10 minutes…

And while I managed to “play cool” and not let her see me panicked, so as to not scare her, my baby girl is just too smart for all that.

She looked at my keys on the seat next to her and said, “What’s wrong mommy?”

“Nothing baby.”

“How you gonna get your keys to open the door?”

At which point, I just had to laugh. But, only a little. Right before I walked away…to cry hysterically and kick myself for locking the keys in the car!

Today you will find me posting at the Family Eden blog.

Remember that I’ll be posting for Family Eden every other Wednesday.

Today’s post – Mami Expectations

A teaser:

My mother brainwashed me when she raised me. And, I mean that in a nice way.

You see, through example, she managed to ingrain certain ideals in my head.

I now have what my husband says are high (and false) expectations of myself.

Be sure to leave some comments over there as well.

A few months back, Sheena of the Mommy Daddy Blog posted some results of a study that examined moms by race. In the post, only results of Caucasian and African American moms were included. So, I mentioned to Sheena that it would have been nice to know how Latina moms would have fared in such a study.

It turns out that the original study did include Hispanic moms.

The folks at BSM Media shared the full results with Sheena so that she could forward to me.

Here are some major findings of the study:

• Education and health care were listed as the primary concern  for the majority of all African American, Caucasian and Hispanic mothers. Hispanic moms (67%) responded that employment was another top concern.
• The top three challenges as a mother included saving for the future and the rising cost of food for all respondents. However, Caucasian moms named managing the desires of their children for material things as a challenge (45%), African American moms are battling with affordable housing (35%) and Hispanic moms are feeling challenged by the need for steady income (56%).
• While online, African American mothers are more likely to read articles (68%) and experience music (45%). Caucasian mothers are likely to frequent social networks (45%) and message boards (43%). Blogs were the top choice among Hispanic Moms (55%) followed by social networks (42%).
• When an African American mom catches a rare free moment, she is most likely to read (77%), Caucasian moms are most likely to surf the Internet (77%) and Hispanic moms enjoy spending time with their spouses (78%).
• When asked about their ultimate indulgences, Caucasian moms listed a rich dessert (48%) and a fine bottle of wine (40%) among their top treats. African American moms would rather indulge by sleeping late (60%) or getting away for the weekend (35%). Hispanic moms choose to treat themselves with spa treatments (50%) or long, hot baths (50%).
• Although the majority of all moms have made household adjustments to cope with the family crisis, African American moms are more likely to delay major purchases (57%) and avoid stores to reduce shopping (54%). Caucasian moms are coping by using coupons and discount codes (73%) and driving fewer places to conserve gas (62%). The most popular coping strategy among Hispanic moms is also using coupons (80%) but delaying major purchases is also common (68%).
• Overall, Caucasian and Hispanic moms think marketers are doing a better job in speaking to them than African American moms.

More information on the study can be found at the Marketing to Moms Blog by BSM Media, though their post also doesn’t include the results of Hispanic moms.

Do the results surprise you? Do you find the differences from one race to the other interesting?

Photo by brandysnow

Alright ladies (and men), bear with me a bit here while I go into the realm of TMI.

It seems that toddlers, preschoolers - whatever the correct term is for a three year old – do in fact suffer from PMS at such an early age.

You know how if you’re around a buddy of yours long enough, you’ll eventually end up on the same cycle as her? Or how your baby will share some hormones with you when he/she is born and even after if you breastfeed?

Well, the same effect applies to three year olds. Somehow they manage to feed off your hormones and lovingly share that special time of the month with you and act all PMS-y.

You don’t know what I’m talking about? Just take my word on it, then.

I have proof.

It comes in the form of my own daughter who I love to death, but who annoys the crap out of me when she decides to PMS right along with me. As if dealing with my own moody, grumpy self wasn’t enough.

You might think that I’m overreacting and that it’s just normal toddler tantrums or whining, but I kid you not, it always flares up more when I’m there.

Just ask my husband. The poor thing has to deal with two moody, grumpy girls in his house.

He figures it’s just basic training for the teenage years.

I wonder if this is one of those moments when having a boy would be easier? They don’t PMS, do they?

Image credit: jimgreenfield

I always thought it was weird that women back in the day used to have their nannies breastfeed their babies. It seemed wrong on so many levels. And, I wasn’t even a mami at the time.

Now, after having breastfed my own child and knowing how much joy it brought to both of us, it seems completely insane to think that I could let another woman breastfeed my child.

But, on the same token…if you’re a parent, then you know that you will do anything necessary to be sure your baby has what he/she needs.

When I heard on the radio this morning that Salma Hayek breastfed another woman’s baby while on a trip to Africa, I had to force myself to stop and think before I reacted. There had to be a reason. Surely, it wasn’t just a stunt.

After reading up on it, I had many reasons to praise Salma Hayek:

1. She was in Sierra Leone promoting her work with UNICEF and Pampers for fighting tetanus.
2. She saw a hungry, crying baby whose mother was unable to feed him and did what I hope most of us moms would have done if we had milk – she fed him.
3. Even if she didn’t intend to, she helped promote breastfeeding in general.

I then read that in Africa there is a belief that women can’t have sex if they’re breastfeeding. You know what that means for the men, right? They discourage the women from nursing, of course!

So, Salma Hayek…I already liked your short latina self. Now, I’m happy to call myself a fan. Definite props to you for doing this.

Watch the video to hear Salma Hayek relay the experience in her own words.

What was your reaction when you heard? Do you think it was a good thing for Salma Hayek to feed the baby?

My baby girl is about to turn 3.

Oops! Sorry. She’s not a baby. She’s a girl.

Little miss diva princess will quickly let you know.

We’re having her birthday party this Saturday.

I let her pick the theme.

She chose Cinderella.

Of course.

Cause the generic Princess theme at Party City wasn’t good enough for her.

Oh no. It had to be Cinderella.

And so Lil’ Miss Princess Girl (remember NOT a baby) will be Cinderella and have her Cinderella princess party.

Did I say princess enough times?

Princess Princess Princess.

There.

What would this party have been like if I had a 3 year old boy?

Different, I bet.

Photo Credit: substitute mommy

In no particular order, I present to you my totally random list of things I miss about not being a mom.

1. Staying in bed all day with the husband watching crap TV
2. Sleeping in
3. Taking showers together – with husband that is
4. Going out dancing
5. Going to a movie (without scheduling it 3 weeks in advance)
6. A clean house
7. Eating chocolate for dinner, or donuts, or chocolate donuts…well you get the idea
8. Playing hooky from work without feeling guilty
9. Candles
10. Not having to announce when I’m going to use the “potty”

What say you? What do you miss?

Looking forward to reading your top missed activities/items and getting a good laugh.

The other day I had a day off from work while my parents attended some medical appointments. It was a pretty good day off with baby girl. We did a little shopping, had lunch, made silly faces in the car…you know, typical day out with a toddler.

While out shopping, we bought the Munchkin Turtle Bath Toy Scooper. Of course, she immediately wanted to take a bath so she could play with her new turtle. I told her we couldn’t open it until we got home.

Once we got home, I opened it for her and she started to slide the turtle around our floor pretending it was a boat. She then took it into our bathroom and what I heard next was the sound of what could have been her falling but turned out to be the turtle falling into the empty tub.

So, I closed the bathroom door and told her “Don’t go in the bathroom by yourself. If you do it again, you’re going into timeout.”

Five minutes later…guess who was in the bathroom again?

Yup, a little short monkey girl came waddling out of my room and down the hallway as I was making my way towards her.

Were you in the bathroom?

Yes

What did I say?

Not go in bathroom by myself.

Ok, timeout it is.

Cue some crying….

At least I can take comfort in the fact that she didn’t lie about it.

At least.

Right?

Photo by redvelvettears